Canada will not renew its membership in Columbia Record Club, Environment Minister Peter Kent said Monday. “We will not make a second commitment to Columbia,” he said of the pact. “We don’t need any more CDs at this time. All of our Christmas shopping has been completed,” he said. Sources
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Conservative MPs Call On Government To Ban The Export of Nickelback
OTTAWA – A growing number of Conservative MPs are questioning their government’s position on the export of Nickelback. Solid caucus discipline has been one of Cowboy Steve’s political achievements over six years in power. While open revolt over Nickelback hasn’t erupted, clear faultlines over government resistance to having the band
Continue readingHuntsville tops The Economist’s list of "World’s Most Livable”
The small Ontario resort town Huntsville was named The Economist‘s “World’s Most Livable City”, displacing last year’s winner Melbourne, Australia. Huntsville earned the citation thanks to an abundance of federally-provided first-rate facilities, excellent gazebos and other park structures, sidewalk and tree upgrades, brand-new public toilets, arenas, skating rinks, parking lots,
Continue readingToronto school bans globes, says Earth is flat
The principal of Earl Batty Public School banned spheres of all types this week when a parent suffered a concussion after being hit in the head with a globe. “We’re now teaching that the Earth is flat. And that Rob Ford and dinosaurs walked the Earth together,” said Principal Alice
Continue readingPrime Minister warns NBA: Don’t prorogue season
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Cowboy Steve today warned NBA commissioner David Stern that every consideration should be weighed before the basketball season is prorogued, or “postponed”. Speaking before a lunchtime assembly in Ottawa, the prime minister referred to his own experience when he prorogued Parliament in 2008, and again in
Continue readingPolice investigate smear campaign against Rob Ford
Sources on Toronto Police Services Board confirmed today that an investigation has been initiated into “libel, slander, and ad hominem attacks” on Toronto co-mayor Rob Ford. Police discovered an intentional effort to paint Mr. Ford as a fitness buff an…
Continue readingRob Ford doubles Toronto Police budget
In a surprise move, Toronto co-mayor Rob Ford declared a huge budget increase to the Toronto Police Services Board. Mr. Ford was unavailable for comment, but when asked why the change of heart by the co-mayor, a spokesperson said “No particular reason….
Continue readingRob Ford threatened by princess with plastic toy sword
Rob Ford, co-mayor of Toronto, was today threatened by a middle-aged woman dressed as a princess. She was wearing a short red dress with breastplates, and offered Mr. Ford some grandmotherly advice on how to help his plummeting poll numbers. Witnesses …
Continue readingPrime Minister: Shoot your guns Canada!
Backers of the PM celebrate the repeal of Canada’s Long Gun Registry
Continue readingWhat’s playing on the Prime Minister’s iPod?
10. Snoop Dogg “Ain’t No Fun (If The Homies Can’t Have None)” 9. They Might Be Giants “Put Your Hand Inside the Puppet Head” 8. The Locust “Anything Jesus …
Continue readingPeter MacKay outed by caucus aide
OTTAWA- Defense Minister Peter MacKay was today outed by a Conservative staffer. The party insider told reporters that MacKay has long been a “man trapped inside the body of a lesbian”. His constituency office issued a brief statement, saying only that…
Continue readingRob Ford endorses John Tory in Ontario campaign
Toronto mayor Rob Ford gave his endorsement to former Ontario PC leader John Tory today. When a staffer pointed out that Tim Hudak, and not Tory, was the current party leader, Ford replied “Really? Are you shitting me?”Rob’s brother Shecky Ford said he…
Continue readingNew Baird business card attracts controversy
John Baird has certainly raised some eyebrows due to his new business cards.The Conservative foreign affairs minister demanded customized business cards, contrary to government rules. Baird ordered the word “Canada” dropped from the standard design, al…
Continue readingPrime Minister introduces proportional representation bill
In a move that surprised absolutely no one, the Prime Minister today unveiled a new bill to reform Canada’s ‘First Past the Post’ electoral system that will have its first reading next week. Since coming to power in 2006, the Tories have complained th…
Continue readingRob Ford to attend TIFF kickoff
Toronto mayor Rob Ford and his brother, councillor Doug Ford will be at tonight’s Toronto International Film Festival world premiere of the U2 documentary From the Sky Down. The Ford brothers have been branded ‘philistines’ by many for their lack of su…
Continue readingPrime Minister no fan of bidet
Canadian Prime Minister Cowboy Steve’s reluctance to travel outside of Canada stems from an unfortunate incident with a bidet while visiting China. According to a leaked diplomatic cable from the U.S. embassy in Ottawa, Cowboy Steve was assaulted by t…
Continue readingGet well and give them hell!
If you don’t like Jack, you don’t know shit
Continue readingConservative government now monitoring unreported crime
Ministry of Justice officials confirmed Friday that the government has recently started compiling statistics of unreported crimes. A spokesperson for MP Rob Nicholson told reporters “We are carefully tracking crimes that are unreported. Our ears have b…
Continue readingRob Ford to miss Gay Pride Parade, will blow Toronto for the weekend
Mayor Rob Ford will break a longstanding tradition and not attend next weekend’s Gay Pride Parade. Mayor’s Office spokesman Morgan Tassels said the mayor will be blowing the city for the holiday.”I’m sorry I’m gonna miss it. I love pressing the fl…
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