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Progressive Bloggers // Blogues progressistes

Author: Baron von Tollbooth

June 4, 2012 Baron von Tollbooth

Off to see the lizard

Back before too long!

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April 13, 2012 Baron von Tollbooth

F-35 costs rise $1.25 billion, MacKay forgets to add GST

Peter MacKay maintains he’s acted “always withan eye to providing the men and women in uniform with the best equipment that we can possibly get.”

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April 8, 2012 Baron von Tollbooth

Peter MacKay has jet stink all over him

Dry cleaning expenses will cost much more than originally forecast

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March 16, 2012 Baron von Tollbooth

People are jumping to conclusions that we’re stupid, MP says

Defenders say MP Dean Del Mastro’s performance on CBC-TV could be due to medication

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February 27, 2012 Baron von Tollbooth

UN urges Canada to allow North Korea and Congo to monitor next election

Congolese security ensures order and access at polling station. Experts recommend similar strictmeasures in Canada to limit election irregularites.

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February 27, 2012 Baron von Tollbooth

Prime Minister’s Nuts are in a Vise over Voter Suppression Scandal, MP says

OTTAWA – The Prime Minister’s nutsac is being squeezed in an ever-tightening vise, an NDP member said Sunday afternoon. It was revealed that as many as 34 ridings could be involved in the voter-suppression case. A spokesman for Lee Valley Tools remarked that while the type of the vise used

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February 15, 2012 Baron von Tollbooth

Montréal man calls Vic Toews a "lying sack of shit"

MONTREAL – After watching a televised interview with Public Safety Minister Vic Toews, a Montréal area millwright called the MP a  “lying sack of shit”. In a response from the government, it was revealed that the man’s name is Michel Boudreau of 1182 Crescent Street Montréal and his phone number

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February 7, 2012 Baron von Tollbooth

Vic Toews A-OK with torture interrogation

The government has directed Canada’s spy agency to use information that may have been extracted through torture. Public Safety Minister Vic Toews has told CSIS the government now expects the spy service to use information derived from torture in cases where public safety is at stake. In related news, a

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February 7, 2012 Baron von Tollbooth

Conservative MP wants ruling on definitions of "human being" and "asshat"

OTTAWA – A Conservative Party backbencher has introduced a private member’s seeking a study on whether fetuses are “human beings” under Canadian law. The MP also wants to study and “reform” Canada’s 400-year-old legal definition of “asshat”. “Do you become a human being at birth? When do some of us

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February 5, 2012 Baron von Tollbooth

John Baird: Nazis were bad guys

TEL AVIV – Canadian Minister of Foreign Affairs John Baird implied in a speech that Nazis weren’t the great guys some people made them out to be. Mr. Baird claimed that their leader even wrote a book about their philosophies and plans. Baird is due to leave Israel soon, joining

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February 4, 2012 Baron von Tollbooth

Prime Minister announces new naval base for London, Ontario

LONDON – Taking the sting out of the recent closure of the Electromotive plant, the Prime Minister announced Friday that London will be the site of the Navy’s new headquarters and largest naval shipyard. London’s new military command centre will oversee operations of Canadian Fleet Atlantic, responsible for the operation

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February 2, 2012 Baron von Tollbooth

Councillor Doug Ford to probe anus of TTC

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, Toronto City Councillor Doug Ford wants to give the TTC “a complete enema” . Whether the TTC would be a willing partner to such a procedure is unknown. Enemas are a popular sexual activity between partners in some cultures. Enemas can be pleasurable to either

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January 5, 2012 Baron von Tollbooth

Peter MacKay marries singer Madonna

Federal Minister of Defence married American singer and actress Madonna Ciccone in a quiet ceremony over the New Year’s weekend. After a whirlwind and clandestine courtship, the couple tied the knot at a Gander, NL fishing camp owned by Rob Crosbie. The newlyweds were whisked away in a Cormorant search-and-rescue

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December 23, 2011 Baron von Tollbooth

Prime Minister gets his ass sued

OTTAWA – Former federal cabinet minister Helena Guergis is suing Prime Minister Cowboy Steve, the Conservative party, and several of their lackeys for her 2010 ejection from caucus over allegations of improper conduct. The former cabinet minister publicly stated she had been mistreated and maligned by her former boss and

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December 16, 2011 Baron von Tollbooth

Peter MacKay named to Mile High Club

Air Canada has awarded the jet-setting Minister of Defence membership in the prestigious ‘Mile High Club’. A staffer said the department was proud that the Minister received the honour from Canada’s largest air carrier, and that it was “long overdue”. Ministry insiders later discovered that the award wasn’t exactly a

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December 15, 2011 Baron von Tollbooth

Peter MacKay’s critics say $1450 excessive for hookers

OTTAWA – Critics of Peter MacKay charged that the Defence Minister’s expenses at an overseas security conference in 2010 were out of line. Canadian Taxpayers’ Association spokesman Barney McMillan of Halifax claimed that a reasonably priced Euro-hooker should cost approximately $500, not almost $1500. McMillan added “For that kind of

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December 14, 2011 Baron von Tollbooth

Peter Kent denies being a "piece of shit"

OTTAWA – Minister of the Environment Peter Kent emphatically denied being a “piece of shit” today during Question Period in the House of Commons. MP Justin Trudeau referred to the minister as a “piece of shit”. Kent, a former meat puppet, told reporters that the opposition has no evidence that

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December 13, 2011 Baron von Tollbooth

Prime Minister pulls out of Kyoto, treaty feels emotionally frustrated

OTTAWA – Reading from a teleprompter, Minister of the Environment Peter Kent announced that the Prime Minister is pulling out of Kyoto. Former meat puppet Kent added that Canada would practise abstinence from future environmental treaties, and that a proper courtship would take place in the future. “There will be

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December 6, 2011 Baron von Tollbooth

MP Peter Goldring refuses to blow, job in jeopardy

The Prime Minister’s Office has confirmed Edmonton MP Peter Goldring has voluntarily withdrawn from caucus after the MP for Edmonton East was charged with refusing to take a breathalyzer test early Sunday following a perogy fundraiser. The charge brings an immediate 24-hour licence suspension then a grace period, followed by

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December 2, 2011 Baron von Tollbooth

Aide: Prime Minister’s hairpiece made in China

OTTAWA – A former aide to Prime Minister Cowboy Steve said today that the leader’s hairpiece was made in China. The PMO staffer, who left the government in July, also asserted that the piece was ‘prêt-à-porter’, rather than custom made. “Honest to God, with all his money, power and status

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