But I’m not. If I wrote this as fiction my editors would cross it out as too far fetched. https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/saskatchewan/comedy-holiday-horrors-jillian-bell-1.4960005
Continue readingAuthor: cenobyte
centre of the universe: Please no
They let me write another thing: https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/saskatchewan/worst-christmas-gifts-1.4917150
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Standing – NaBloPoMo Day 16
It’s Giftmas Sales Season (GSS) and I get to person the booth at the first big giftmas market of the year. You may think this is the Worst Thing Evar, but it’s not. Everyone is happy. Excited. Fulla beans. There’s enough time for Humbuggery; today though I’m looking forward to
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Music Fatigue – NaBloPoMo Day 14
There’s an interesting conundrum in the fall, that gets people arguing every year. More than just Daylight Saving Time (which is silly and all this malarky with changing clocks makes no sense). More than just who’s going to sit where at Thanksgiving. More than the gamble of when you’re to
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Cat videos – NaBloPoMo Day 13
Let’s take a moment to remember the origins of something that’s changed the way we do business, the way we consume arts and culture, and ultimately, the way we communicate. In the 1960s, the US government (particularly the department of defence) was working to develop a communications network that could
Continue readingcentre of the universe: So that was a thing – NaBloPoMo Day 12
*warning: you may wish to pre-clutch your pearls because this is a seriously hardcore post* we went to the new Costco today. I was supposed to get a hot dog but I didn’t. #HisNibs made a hot dog for supper at home instead. The new Costco is exactly like the
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Could Have Been – NaBloPoMo Day 11
Whoops. So here’s the thing. NEW PHONE WHO DIS – yeah, I got a new phone. I thought everything was working but I was, as our friend Big T would say, “I was mistooken”. Days go by SUPER fast now. I swear to Glob I thought last week was next
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Wrong Universe – NaBloPoMo Day 8
My mum was a brilliant woman. So was my grandmother. So is my aunt. So is my other aunt. It’s pretty cool the amount of brain power all the wymmyns be bringin’ all up in this family. I used to sit on the corner of mum’s bed and watch her
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Empty – NaBloPoMo Day 7
I worked pretty hard this past weekend. I was at a retreat. Had some rewriting to do on a manuscript. Thought it’d be easy. Boy, was I wrong. I mean. I knew I had a lot to rework. I just had no idea that I could actually focus like that.
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Home – NaBloPoMo Day 6
Pretty sure that in most prairie homes there is someone’s gran’s needlework that says “home is where the heart is”. We never had that on the wall at our house because my grandmother was a nurse and she used to say things like “the thoracic cavity is where the heart
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Snow Sky – NaBloPoMo Day 5
I don’t like snow skies. I don’t like grey air and grey skies. Not one bit. I look at the ground a lot when there’s sky-poop happening. I don’t mind when the sky poop lands and it’s all pretty and sparkly and new and fresh and why the shit did
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Concern – NaBloPoMo Day 4
My father was asking recently whether any more of my articles might be featured on the CBC website. I mentioned I hadn’t pitched any lately, mostly for REASONS that involve being a) pretty busy; b) kinda brain-dead; c) most likely undernourished since our oven is busted and my slow cooker
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Blinders – NaBloPoMo
Sometimes I’m positive the dog has the right idea. Probably this is why people started keeping their domesticated animals in their houses with them; they saw reflected in their animal buddies aspects of their own natures that they couldn’t quite talk about for whatever reason. Maybe they couldn’t name it
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Road Trip – NaBloPoMo Day 2
I was on the road today. I got out early owing to the fact that the weather people said it *probably* wasn’t going to start sky-shiting until later in the afternoon, which means it could go at any time. I’ve always liked driving. When I was an incorrigible teen, my
Continue readingcentre of the universe: NaBloPoMo Day 1
Okay. I’m going to attempt to do NaBloPoMo, which doesn’t actually have anything to do with blowing anything, no matter how it may look from the weird initialism. Acronym. Word made up of the beginnings of other words what makes up the thingummy. National Blog Posting Month. The idea is
Continue readingcentre of the universe: A Canadian (Thanksgiving) Parable
Once there was a Queen. She reigned over many lands, in the manner of constitutional monarchies with their own parliamentary systems based largely, if not wholly, on the parliament of the Queen’s own land. The Queen had many great powers, not the least of which were Longevity, Great Hats, and
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Much Ado
There’s little doubt that cannabis and cannabinoids (not an alien race of green-skinned interstellar travellers, but the compounds that comprise the active ingredients in cannabis, like THC (which makes you loopy) and CBD (which does not)) will be big business in the coming years, although it’s uncertain whether legal weed
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Back to Back to School
A Story of Parenting, Told in School Supplies Kindergarten, First Child: I purchased these school supplies over a year ago, have been awake since Friday labelling every pencil, every marker, every individual crayon, every eraser, and every individual tissue in the box. I have labelled every article of my child’s
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Regina’s (still) Gaping Maw
Something nobody tells you when you have children is that the second you have kids, everyone else on the face of the planet instantly becomes a parenting expert. You’re in luck though because there are only five hard and fast “rules” to successfully ensuring your replicant DNA becomes a fully
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Some light reading
So I don’t want to toot my own horn here (yes I do. I really, really do. Toot! Toot! Toot!) but there’s this thing that happened recently (in the past week) that I’m a little excited about (SUPER excited about) and since I love you (I do!), I want to
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