Former mallcop Julian Fantino has been handpicked by the Conservatives to run as the party’s candidate in the upcoming federal byelecton in Vaughan, it was revealed at a press conference this morning. The erstwhile security guard has served as the top cop of the London, Toronto and OPP forces, as well as Cloverdale Mall and the Eglinton Square Shopping Centre.
At the announcement, the former retail security specialist was asked whether he will be allowed to speak freely. “The Prime Minister deals with issues as he sees them,” Mr. Fantino replied. “I know what leadership is all about … It’s about doing whatever the leader says, no matter how unpopular or wacky it seems.” He added that he hoped the Conservative leader shares his strong interest in child pornography.
The former security guard is confident he can wrest Vaughan from the Liberals. “This is another journey. It’s a journey in pursuit of what I call ‘the other journey’, but a journey nonetheless. Just another one.” Mr. Fantino said. He praised Cowboy Steve’s steadfast commitment to law and order. “I’m no homo, but I’ve personally seen the Prime Minister’s cojones, and frankly, let me tell you they’re quite impressive.”
Mr. Fantino closed the announcement, saying his selection is “a proud moment for rent-a-cops everywhere”. A Conservative Party insider commented “This is so exciting in two ways: We haven’t had a minority candidate since Rahim Jaffer. And he’s a redneck! Yee-Haw!”
