centre of the universe: Why a Communications Strategy is imperative

Man, that sounds boring. Bear with me, okay? Whether you are running a business, employed as a writer or PR or communications staff, or whether you’re running or managing a minor sports team, a dance troupe, or a non-profit, you need a communications strategy. This might be as simple as “I have everyone’s email and ...

centre of the universe: No Public Telephone

My Internets died today. And then my phones died. And the only way I knew my phone died was when #HisNibs texted me to ask why nobody was answering the phone. And I said, “you mean the phone that hasn’t rung all…ohhhhh…” So I called SaskTel, who is our phone and Internet provider. They were ...

centre of the universe: Erosion

The dude on the news was talking about a recent study that seems to say that people with University degrees are earning less than people with high school degrees. Guy then goes on to say that University grads make more but that people with high school diplomas have received more pay rises, which has resulted ...

centre of the universe: Competition?

Hi cenobyte, How have you been? I understand you only wanted to communicate to your previous consultant but I am emailing you now check on the update for your book. We are celebrating our 17th anniversary this month and we’re giving out almost more than 50% discount. I am not sure if you are particular ...

centre of the universe: NATHAN, WHERE ARE YOU?

In January, I was contacted by Ex Libris, a vanity press that uses extremely aggressive marketing techniques to bilk writers out of their hard-earned income. I have asked repeatedly to be taken off of their contact lists, to no avial. When they contacted me in January 2014, I began a lengthy correspondence with my contact ...

centre of the universe: Dear Nathan – IMPORTANT INFORMATION

I got a phone message from Nathan! (The ‘consultant’ Ex Libris has assigned to my book.) It was the same voice mail that he’s left the past three or four times he’s called. He’s very persistent. Unfortunately for Nathan, I don’t answer telephone calls for which I do not recognize the phone number. Fortunately for ...

centre of the universe: Dear Nathan – Editors

Dear Nathan, I was thinking about who you should get to edit my manifesto. I mean manuscript. My eleventh grade English teacher came to mind, but after she was accused of gross vandalism, criminal harassment, stalking, and destruction of property … Continue reading →

centre of the universe: Dear Nathan

A few years ago, I decided to engage in some corporate espionage. I work in the field of book publishing, and I had been hearing rather a lot about vanity presses like Ex Libris. Normally, I don’t like naming the … Continue reading →

centre of the universe: You’re out of control

I wasn’t going to say anything about this. I’ve been trying to decrease the number of negative things I put out there into the megaverse, but I think I can’t sit on this any longer. Dear CTV host Michelle Gerwing and Newstalk1010: Every time you make comments like “what are all the wives – the ...

centre of the universe: Head Like a Hole

First, I’d like you to go to Netflix and watch a documentary called “Head Games”. It’s about brain damage due to contact sport. It talks about concussions in football, hockey, and boxing. And entertainment wrestling (not greco-roman wrestling). It’s an incredibly interesting and well-done documentary. One of the really good question it raises is why ...

centre of the universe: I’ll be brief

Just because today was looking pretty good, despite the zero visibility drive home, I thought I should share with you what I came home to. “Dear cenobyte, You submitted a bunch of crap to our publication. You must have thought it was a good idea for some reason, but we can’t for a single moment ...

centre of the universe: I’m a collector, not a hoarder

You always hear that, don’t you. When you watch those programmes with people who have seventy eight cats all living in the house with them, turding on the floor in piles taller than the coffee table. Houses where rats have … Continue reading →

centre of the universe: Introspection

I started this post in an entirely different manner. Then I erased everything and started again. I don’t know why (or indeed if) that’s important. It seemed poignant. I am tired of being taken for granted. So. Here are some … Continue reading →

centre of the universe: Dumb

Okay, I guess I need to preface this post about the recall of infant chairs by reminding you that all parents are psychotic. All of us. First, we decide to host parasites. IN OUR BODIES. Or, if we choose not … Continue reading →

centre of the universe: Spin

Not long ago, my provincial government decided to do away with a program that created hundreds, if not thousands of jobs in the province, and which brought with it millions of dollars in revenue for the province. On the face … Continue reading →

centre of the universe: Antisocial Media

Putting stuff out into the EEEEeeeEEEeeEEeether is not social. It’s narcissistic and self-serving. It’s ego-stroking. And I am the worst for this. (For reference, see “centre of the universe: the dreaming”. AKA: this bournal.) It is altogether too easy to … Continue reading →

centre of the universe: Seriously, it doesn’t have to be this difficult

I heard something in passing a few days ago that I didn’t think much of at the time, but the more I thought about it, the more it festered. I heard someone say that women are not permitted to participate … Continue reading →

centre of the universe: I can’t be the only one thinking this…

Okay, technically, I suppose I can be the only one thinking this, as many of the times I claim not to be, I am. Suss THAT out for a soliloquy, Shakespeare! Anyway, take a good look at this tyyyyyooooob of … Continue reading →