There’s nane that’s blest of human kind, But the cheerful and the gay, man, Fal, la, la, etc. Here’s a bottle and an honest friend! What wad ye wish for mair, man? Wha kens, before his life may end, What … Continue reading →
Continue readingTag: Hinky History
The Skwib: A Bottle and a Friend
There’s nane that’s blest of human kind, But the cheerful and the gay, man, Fal, la, la, etc. Here’s a bottle and an honest friend! What wad ye wish for mair, man? Wha kens, before his life may end, What his share may be o’ care, man? Then catch the
Continue readingThe Skwib: How Anne of Green Gables Destroyed the World
“Like most of you I was inclined to say the war was caused by fish.” However, after a close examination of the evidence, Cadman Michaels — who held doctorates in theoretical physics and history, but who called himself an Alternate Historian — could say now with some confidence that the
Continue readingThe Skwib: Evard Munch: The Revenant of Kristiania
Most art historians will recognize this painting as “Evening on Karl Johan”, painted sometime in 1892, while its creator Edvard Munch was still a young man. Modern commentators have described this painting as an existentialist cri de coeur, a public declaration hoping to wake up the somnolent crowd and face
Continue readingThe Skwib: A Magi Explains About the Myrrh
Everyone keeps giving me shit about my gift to Jesus the Son of God and the Messiah, King of Kings. “Isn’t myrrh basically perfume for mummies?” these ass-clowns keep asking me. “Is that an appropriate gift for a BABY?” Look, first off you have to realize that I planned to
Continue readingThe Skwib: Unwanted Christmas Gifts Through the Ages
In 1170, King Henry II says, “What a parcel of fools and dastards have I nourished in my house, and not one of them will avenge me of this one upstart clerk.” Said fools and dastards decide that this means they should kill Archbishop Thomas Becket. In 1600, Queen Elizabeth
Continue readingThe Skwib: Time travel/pop culture mashups with good humor potential
Gilligan is marooned on “Más a Tierra”, later renamed to Robinson Crusoe Island, with Alexander Selkirk, a Scottish castaway who had a low tolerance for bullshit Joey (from Friends) is sent back in time to live with Fourth Earl of Sandwich, while the Earl was still working on his eponymous
Continue readingThe Skwib: Why your cat sits in the most inconvenient place possible
Of course, it’s recent evolution. Alltop loves sitting on the Internet.
Continue readingThe Skwib: The Merchant Banker Awards
Thorsson had a very small but fanatically loyal client base. They especially liked his aggressive stance vis-a-vis derivatives and lopping the heads off of their competition. Alltop enjoys credit-swap de-cranialization. Originally published January 2007. Thanks to Hans S for the skull-splittingly good photo. More of Toulouse Le Grandfig’s work can
Continue readingThe Skwib: The Lost PowerPoint Slides (Battle of Vimy Ridge Edition)
General Ludwig von Falkenhausen presents “The Week of Suffering” (circa April 2-9, 1917) –>slide 2 Artillery relentless I’d guess about a million shells Somehow can target our artillery, even though they’re hidden behind ridge We ran out of aspirin, earplugs. Allied General Arthur Currie presents “Better Creeping” (circa April 9, 1917) –>slide 4 first wave […]
Continue readingThe Skwib: Squirrelly
It is the Season of the Doom. The days darken. Temperatures drop. And the Black Rodents of London are out for blood. Or nuts, at the very least. I remember reading once that the term “squirrelly” was coined during the pioneer days, and it was used to describe homesteaders who had been forced to live […]
Continue readingThe Skwib: Remember, Remember the Fifth of November
Thomas Cadwell watched as the children danced around the bonfire, singing: A penny loaf to feed the Pope. A farthing o’ cheese to choke him. A pint of beer to rinse it down. A fagot of sticks to burn him. He marked the fifth of November — as all in England did — though it […]
Continue readingThe Skwib: Too damn hot!
Unknown Photographer, 1940s, a photo by kraftgenie on Flickr. AFter their shift cleaning out the blast furnaces, Edna and Eustace would head down to the the Pantages Theatre, still wearing their protective gear. They took the oxygen with them, and then stole it from their audience. They had a burlesque show that everyone in town […]
Continue readingThe Skwib: Early Greek Irony Machine
I always wondered if the Oracle ENJOYED being an irony machine. Based on this, I’d say yes.
Alltop is a funny machine.
The Skwib: Belgium, circa 1906
Doctor Hans Christian “Liver-and-Favva-Beans” Malifico standing next to the prototype of his first business mechanical, the famous Red Juggernaut, Mark I (with claw and hook attachment). Though it would be several years before he founded Juggernaut Business Mechanicals (JBM), and at least another decade before the technology was available for his “chainsaw and boom stick […]
Continue readingThe Skwib: Austria, 1912
Though they outsold the proto-fascist jazz stylings of The Pillage People four-to-one, the Über-Musik Boys never quite managed to make the big time. Even though they started the whole Lederhosen Thrash scene, most of them had to take on menial jobs milking goats and persecuting small animals to make ends meet. Young Adolf, in particular, […]
Continue readingThe Skwib: Bob Newhart’s call from Walter Raleigh
This is great on a couple of levels. First of all, it makes you think about all the strange little things we take for granted around us. I’m sure a similar conversation happened when Thag cracked open his first oyster and slurped it down (no doubt in a fit of starvation) and then relayed how […]
Continue readingThe Skwib: The Lost PowerPoint Slides (4th of July Edition)
John Hancock proposes boycott of British East India Company tea to Colonial housewives, 1769 (slide 4) I agree tea is lovely but coffee is good too Because, this will hurt British Yes, my signature is big No, not indicative of anything else, Madame. Paul Revere delivers Suffolk Resolves to First Continental Congress, 1774 (final slide) […]
Continue readingThe Skwib: Ten indisputable facts about Canada (Part One: History)
To commemorate Canada Day tomorrow, I thought it might be useful to clear up some common myths people have about Canada and Canadian history. Many of the readers of The Skwib come from outside Canada, so this brief history may be especially helpful to you (though we Canadians can always learn more about our rich […]
Continue readingThe Skwib: Seven things that I guarantee won’t matter in 70 years
So, you can just stop worrying, okay? everything on that is trending on Twitter today whether you look fat in those pants Facebook anything you watched on TMZ that big meeting with marketing tomorrow if you wrote a post on your blog today your broken heart (it will be mended by then). Alltop will also […]
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