Essay: 3:30 min read “Wait, wait, what are you doing?” “I’m, you know, acting,” I said to my acting professor, Fred Euringer. “No, no, you… The post Darkness and its delights appeared first on mark a. rayner.
Continue readingTag: Hinky History
mark a rayner: Rejected Halloween-Themed Cereals
After the success of Count Chocula, Boo-berry and Frankenberry, cereal executives everywhere were on the look out for new Halloween-themed cereals. Alas, these never made it to market, though the last entry did make it to the packaging design phase. (This happens BEFORE taste testing, I should note.) 10. Candy
Continue readingmark a rayner: Vintage Coulrophobia
Sugar Krinkles: so you have the energy to run from psychotic clowns! Things that make him extra scary: tiny hat suspiciously perfect teeth he’s wearing someone else’s face he painted it to blend with his face the broken pinkie. Alltop thinks he broke the pinkie in a funny way. (Maybe
Continue readingmark a rayner: What Groundhog Day Means on Alternative Earths
Our Universe: groundhog sees its shadow = 6 more weeks of winter. Foofy Bum Universe: annual celebration of Lord Fuzzy’s victory over the Lizard Horde. Zentropia Universe: day of the year when all rodents are allowed to drive. It’s-in-the-hole! Universe: Bill Murray [praise be his name] emerges from his four-fold slumber
Continue readingmark a rayner: The 2nd Monday of October
Meanwhile in Canada … Every year on the second Monday of October, Canadians celebrate the end of the Moose Ascendency. During this dark period of Canadian history, the moose reigned supreme, forcing our provocatively dressed women to worship them, and slaughtering any man who got in their way. Eventually, Canadians
Continue readingmark a rayner: Early Outbreaks of the Bozo Virus
Following the cataclysm of the Clown Apocalypse, researchers discovered there had been similar plagues throughout the ages. One of the worst outbreaks in history was the Great Buffoon Drive of ’47. Many thought it started with an especially bad o…
Continue readingmark a rayner: Happy Yanksgiving!
Alltop prefers roast opossum. Original photo by Doug Brown via Flickr.
Continue readingmark a rayner: Why the 30 Years War lasted so long
It wasn’t just because all the players had such deeply held religious beliefs. It was also because they had a virtual parity in robots and x-wing fighters. Just a little tip of balance, and it would have been over in weeks. Alltop tips the balance towards funny. Excellent photoshoppery by
Continue readingmark a rayner: Spot the Newton!
Hello and welcome to today’s edition of Spot the Newton, where you pick out the UNtrue facts about Sir Isaac Newton: was unquestioningly one of the most important scientists ever died a virgin had a passion for alchemy above all else once poked a needle in his eye to test
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Fly the Flensing Skies
In the late 1960′s Albanian Airlines’ passengers had overwhelmingly rejected their, “only a sissy needs a seatbelt,” marketing slogan. Their subsequent efforts were equally ineffective at increasing their revenues, including the following notions: no alcohol or tobacco on our flights, … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Before the Internet
Normally, I just nod my head in agreement with xkcd, but in this case, I must take exception. Before the Internet, life was much more exciting. There were things to do — the hard way — and much to accomplish. … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Yes, time travellers are idiots
Besides, killing Hitler is such a 1st year in the time-travel academy thing to do. Alltop is a great way to kill time.
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: With Great Fez Comes Great Responsibility
Long before Giuseppe Del Balso invented cross-dimensional rift surfing, full-frontal time travel, or the pleasures of Zoot, he had many adventures, riding through the Italian countryside on his iron Dobbin. Though invented to teach children how to ride a horse, … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: The Lost Power Point Slides (Yanksgiving History Edition)
Chief Massasoit presents items NOT supplied for the first Thanksgiving, circa 1621 (only slide) deep-fried turkey cranberry sauce potatoes, white or sweet pie of any kind (there were pumpkins, though). Pilgrim chef suggests the following harvest feast, circa 1621 (second … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: How many humans ever lived?
This infographic supplies an estimate for how many human beings ever lived. (140 billion) And if that sounds like an astonishing number, imagine how crowded the planet would be if they all existed at once. Actually, you don’t have to … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Come on Baby, Do the Locomotion
Capable of doing zero-to-sixty in less than ten seconds, the Flannigan Repto-Buggy was a big seller right after President Rutherford B. Hayes started building the Great Chicken Highway. Thousands of tender birds were released on the roads every day, giving … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: 9 old words for the modern age
vocabulation The use or choice of words. This post is a meditation on vocabulation, particularly, old words that we may want to revivify for our current age of the Internet and excess. octothorpe The # symbol. I learned this one … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Coordinates to Landing Zone XI
Famous Painting with SF Titles: Coordinates to Landing Zone XI No doubt this painting is known to you by the title given to it by humans, L’Ultima Cena (The Last Supper). Purportedly, this work depicts the final meal eaten by … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Selected Media Fads Through the Ages
24,000-22,000 BC: chunky fertility goddess statues (pictured at right: notice the prominent and large brains.) 10,000 BC: cave painting 4,000 BC: ziggurat construction 3,000-1,250 BC: pyramid raising (later revived by Mesoamericans and I.M. Pei) 1480-1700: Witch burning 1500s: homoerotic sonnet … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: How did English evolve?
Here’s a fun little video from TED about the evolution of English. This video describes the early days of English’s changes. Some of the more recent alterations are not included, such as the extensive use of pirate terms, robot machine R…
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