I like to drive. I have a little sports sedan, and I really like to put it through its paces on roads that have never met a straight line. It isn’t about the speed for me, it is about pushing the machine to its limits – the brakes, the suspension, the tires – in a corner. That, combined with an obsession for back roads, explains why I end up on roads in the middle of nowhere that any self respecting motorist avoids like the plague.
It was on one of these back roads the other day that I passed, in a relatively short span, four or five road side memorials. The appearance of these memorials got me thinking: I should slow down. And after I did that, I got to thinking more about road side memorials in general.
I don’t know when these started to show up beside our roads and streets in Canada. It seems to me that in the last 15 years they have become a lot more prevalent than they were in my youth. Obviously these memorials help satisfy some need within the friends and family who put them up. But what ritual are these memorials taking the place of?
Funerals were once a ritualistic, formal experience. There was a parade, lead by the hearse, that would weave its way through the community. Cars would respectfully pull over, and allow the formal procession to go by. A formal service at a place of worship was followed by a ceremony at the grave side. People were given a formal environment in which to express their grief.
Now? Formal ceremonies are often small, and often more intimate. Wakes, or other such gatherings, have taken their place. Family members are heard to say things like “Oh, she wouldn’t have wanted a formal thing…”. But do these informal celebrations of a person’s life satisfy the same need in the mourners?
I would argue that the road side memorials are evidence that they don’t.
The Royal Wedding has attracted thousands of Canadians to watch the pomp and ceremony with tears in their eyes and a smile on their lips. Yet there are also countless others who sneer at the Wedding, and point to it as the very reason we need to reject the Monarchy in this country. It is these same people who complain about the anachronisms that exist in our political system, who suggest that they are outdated and unnecessary in today’s world.
I’m not sure.
I think the deprecation of formality and ceremony in Ottawa has helped contribute to the apathy that has invaded our political system. MPs and Senators, once honoured and respected, are now ridiculed. Honorifics are seldom used, and when they are, many in the audience will consider it arrogant of the official for insisting on them.
When was the last time someone in your community called the Mayor “Your Worship”?
And what of business?
I wear suits to work most days. When I last had employees, I set a dress code policy of suits on my team. I have been told that this is ridiculous. I have been told that it made my team seam arrogant, as if we thought we were better than everyone else. And perhaps it did. But I think that says more about the observer than it did us.
I wear a suit to work because it helps put me into work mode. The act of tying the tie, slipping into the jacket, of putting on the shoes is almost meditative for me. It is a recognition of a change in perspective from father and husband to professional consultant. Perhaps more important to my family, when I come home and take the suit off, I am, at some level, switching back into father and husband mode, leaving the troubles and issues of work hanging next to my suit.
Perhaps the ceremonies of the past don’t have any place in today’s world. Maybe they are anachronisms that are not relevant to today’s world. Maybe we are better off without them.
But I really do believe that we – humans – crave formality and ceremony at some level. I think when the ceremonies that once lent us structure and stability are removed, we find ways to express those needs in other ways: we start building road side memorials.
Road side memorials are a relatively benign expression of our need for formality and ceremony. But are all of them as harmless? Perhaps, with some level of intention, we can make a shift to a new ceremony that is consistent with modern ideals and still helps provide structure and results.
