Ad hominem rules for writing
drooling pinheads open their stories with the weather, or a prologue fatuous knobs use the passive voice corpulent prose-pederasts use a verb other than “said” to carry dialog (and only…
Parody & Satire
Opinionated inanimate objects
I love these cartoons by Marc Johns — I hope he does many more. That’s not toasting, that’s typing! Fezzes have notoriously high standards. I agree, but the Google Font…
Vermeer’s Girl With Funky Hat About to Be Sucked Into A Naked Singularity
Few people know the Dutch painter Johannes Vermeer had an advanced understanding of modern physics, but only alluded to it in some of his works because he dare not reveal…
Shall I compare thee, in chart form, to a summer’s day
Yes, yes I shall you diminutive, lovely, and crazy person. Alltop loves a good stifle.
Not totally worthless: why videos go viral (on YouTube)
Factoids that stuck out for me: more than 48 hours of video uploaded to YouTube every minute the speaker, Kevin Allocca, is paid to watch this crap cats watching cats…
How politicians explain the stock market
The stock market — also known as the greed-fear cycle. Alltop prefers the lust-sloth cycle.
Problems on the home front
Everybody knew that Mission Control was a total tramp, but nobody had the heart to tell Sad Spaceman. Alltop likes directing from the ground too.
In the ancient days
The Internet didn’t help this pact much either Alltop thinks it can catch light too.
Online surveillance satisfaction team
The best part of good customer service is anticipating problems and solving them BEFORE they happen. Alltop likes to watch.
New constellation discovered!
Finally, someone came out and said it! Alltop likes to gaze at the Tits of Andromeda.
Sad Spaceman reads too much Camus
Alltop enjoys a good void.
It’s a snap!
I’m not sure how the makers of this little bit of genius got permission to do it, but this is a real ad. (I’m still a little suspicious because I…
Torpor, Ennui, the End of the Universe
That kid just bummed me out. Alltop would love a new bike.
Revenge of the font nerd
Alltop can’t stop looking at everyone’s leading.
A Merchant Banker Returns to the Farm
After the financial collapse of 2013, the Ancient Order of Merchant Bankers fell on hard times. No longer could they turn a profit using the dark magic of derivative and…
Mash-up apotheosis?
I believe that John Hodgman may have achieved the apotheosis of Internet-type mash-ups. The following YouTube clip is video evidence of Dana Gould, doing his impersonation of Maurice Evans, portraying…
Survival Tips for Tiny and Polite Humans
If you happen to live on one of the many planets inhabited by CEOs, you may find yourself wondering: “how do I not get eaten?” You may also wonder if…
The Unit Upgrade
“Mr. President, we have to talk about the unit.” “What unit, Minister?” “Remember the regiment that was forgotten in the Peltarsh Mountains?” “Right. The unit of horse archers. Did we…
The technological singularity: possible outcomes
I think I would enjoy the (bad) technological singularity a bit more if it went down like this. It’s almost sweet, a giant robot in a sundress, destroying a suburb…
Making America better, one bullet at a time
This genius premise is sick, but funny. I really liked Joel Murray on Mad Men.