The Smears of a Clown
They were never going to give him a Nobel Prize for Buffoonery. The Pulizer committee had told him in no uncertain terms that there wasn’t a category for astonishingly narrow,…
Mark A. Rayner
Somewhere in the Heartland
The economic downturn and subsequent collapse of civilized society was not welcome by most people. But for the Pesquahoddy Mustard Gas and Swine Flu Enthusiast’s Club, the collapse had been…
Belgium, circa 1906
Doctor Hans Christian “Liver-and-Favva-Beans” Malifico standing next to the prototype of his first business mechanical, the famous Red Juggernaut, Mark I (with claw and hook attachment). Though it would be…
The Evils of Commerce
In Sohunglo, Chugoku Prefecture, (just down the road from Hiroshima) the geisha house of Okiya Yumyum made the best of a bad situation by introducing the art of contortion to…
The Tradition Continues
Karl Wangsness had decided to honor his Norwegian heritage by having his own version of a Viking Funeral. The car was an admirable substitution for a longship, and he was…
Austria, 1912
Though they outsold the proto-fascist jazz stylings of The Pillage People four-to-one, the Über-Musik Boys never quite managed to make the big time. Even though they started the whole Lederhosen…
Beach Babes of Vision
Misunderstood Genius Greta “The Fallopian” Webcastico was ahead of her time. Not only was she the finest beach accordionist in the tri-state area, Greta was the first composer to create…
Lucinda at the Laundrette of Shattered Hope
Lucinda was a dreamer. Someday, she knew that her Mom would return with the waffle iron and say she was sorry; perhaps even share her delicious recipe for Translucent Liquid…
E-nnui
Toto the Bio-Sphere Demolition-Bot wondered what it was all about. Did life really mean anything? There had to be more to existence then the senseless destruction of countless inhabited worlds…
The love that dare not speak its name
“Oh Sergei, do you think we’ll ever escape this festering plain, this landscape of ennui and emptiness, so that we can share our love as it was meant to be…
Toulouse Le Grandfig: Catholic school
Jeremy went to a Catholic school, where Sister Mary Trenchbroom taught Civics and Personal Hygiene. It’s fair to say it scarred him for life. Alltop has also destroyed many lives.…
The Chair That Sat Back
Mephistopheles relaxed after a good (evil) day’s work. He’d chalked up three witches, a magus, a handful of brick-makers who’d had too much to drink, and Michael Bay. (Boob, explosions…
We have technology backwards
I’m not sure HOW we got this totally backwards, but we have. Technology should serve humanity, not the other way around. Alltop is an aggregator we all like to work…
Ask General Kang: Can you explain how international finances work?
You must have me confused with an economist. Perhaps it is because I have not been allowed to answer any questions on The Skwib for some time (due to an…
René Magritte: Merchant Banker Masters His Mental Powers at Walton-on-the-Naze
While an art historian will tell you this 1964 painting is called “The Son of Man”, and is meant to be a meditation on what is hidden in the visible…
Ask General Kang: Is it a correction? Please tell me it’s a correction! Should I sell?
Yep, there’s nothing trickier to manipulate than a system based on fear and greed. You humans should consider changing your approach to markets. Back on my home planet, I changed…
The five second rule
It was the best game of zenball ever, and the crowd was wild with excitement: the whisper of butterfly wings was deafening. The Rotrovra Koan Kangaroos had just scored their…
Smurf-cutters
Lesley Pratt was a freakin’ evil advertising genius. In his quest to sell soap, he’d turned the shock value of bombing smurfs into a marketer’s wet dream. He’d even coined…
The Marvellous Kindle Giveaway
I’m giving away one Kindle when my mailing list reaches 500! How to Enter: Just join my newsletter, The MonkeySphere, and you’ll be entered in the draw. (Click on the…
False nostalgia
Summer time is nostalgia time! Alltop is nostalgic about tomorrow!