A middle year satori
Beauty is relative, a photo by True_Bavarian on Flickr. At a certain point in your life, you realize that you are who you are. That isn’t to say that your…
Mark A. Rayner
Yes, I’m aware of the irony
I’ve always loved Weird Al, and this piece demonstrates his great sense of humor, grasp of the zeitgeist, and his songwriting chops. Stop Forwarding that Crap To Me My only…
The Cybernetic Thought Projection Hat
from the 2037 Hammacher Schlemmer Glaven catalog This hat recalls the iconic headgear worn by the Cognition Brigade during the Second Robotic War. First developed for long distance thought projection,…
The Frozen Soylent Green Soft Serve Processor
from the 2037 Hammacher Schlemmer Glaven catalog This is the device that instantly turns Soylent Green and other flavorings into a soft-serve treat. The unit combines frozen Soylent Green and…
The Thomas Kincaid Pop-Up Christmas Tree and Consumer Happiness Dispenser
(from the 2037 Hammacher Schlemmer Glaven catalog) This is a six-foot Christmas tree that pops up instantly and is pre-decorated with original artwork by renowned holiday artist Thomas Kinkaid, all…
The Laser Equipped Autonomous Robotic Vacuum
(from the 2037 Hammacher Schlemmer Glaven catalog) This is the robotic vacuum that navigates autonomously through your home up to seven times per week, where it can either clean your…
The Best Levitation Belt
from the 2037 Hammacher Schlemmer Glaven catalog This levitation belt earned The Best rating from the Hammacher Schlemmer Glaven Institute because it was the easiest to put on and operate…
Early Greek Irony Machine
I always wondered if the Oracle ENJOYED being an irony machine. Based on this, I’d say yes. Alltop is a funny machine.
Career Day for Jim
A flash fiction for Talk Like a Pirate Day - young Jim is disappointed by his career prospects, until a pirate approaches him. The post Career Day for Jim appeared…
Fun, fun, fun
Nudity Probable from the irregulars on Vimeo. Alltop always walks into a room butt-first.
Dog Threat Level Meter
Dog vocalizations interpreted. Condition Tail Wag Don’t be fooled by the cuteness of this puppy — it might mean trouble. I’ll growl at it just to let it know that…
Technological singularity support
I’m torn on this idea. On one hand, I’d be really happy for my Dad to still be around for the singularity. On the other hand, I’m not happy about…
Pirate Therapy
Laurence arrived a few minutes late for his regular Thursday morning session, but his therapist usually ran late, so he wasn’t worried. From behind the door of his therapist’s office,…
It’s about the eggs
–Woody Allen, Annie Hall (the final voiceover) Alltop likes its scrambled.
Damn you brain!
Alltop never did anything wrong.
Gather round the radium fire
This is an illustration of what the future might have looked like, circa 1910: The artist has depicted a genteel scene: Claude and Sophie LaFlippé have invited a few friends…
A Robot Regrets
Meeptron the Bio-Destruction Bot looked out at the wasteland that once was Peoria and thought that his work had actually made it look nicer. Of course, he was programmed that…
Everyone’s a critic
Hank didn’t care that act had won the Most Unconvincing Bear Award six years running. He had been practicing on his flugelhorn, and he was sure that this season would…
Taking one for the team
It seemed unlikely that Janet was an “anthrax tester” for the Department of Defense, as she claimed. It just didn’t seem possible that she could snort a gram of weaponized…
Stiff Upper, and So Forth
“I have London on the line, sir.” “What do they want?” “They’re asking about the penguins.” “The penguins?” “Yes, remember, penguins is the codeword . . .” “For what?!” “You…