The Merchant Banker Awards
Thorsson had a very small but fanatically loyal client base. They especially liked his aggressive stance vis-a-vis derivatives and lopping the heads off of their competition. Alltop enjoys credit-swap de-cranialization.…
Mark A. Rayner
The Future Is Frenzied
Professor Albedo-9000 Frink (the Third) was justifiably proud of his invention. It had taken him nearly 300 years of his genetically enhanced life to construct the Frink Dojigger 12. (Experimental…
Zach Galifianakis interview Charlize Theron
Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Charlize Theron from Between Two Ferns Alltop has sweaty thighs too.
Zach Galifianakis interviews Bruce Willis
The 80s: the underrated decade. Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Bruce Willis from Bruce Willis Alltop preferred the 70s.
The Lost PowerPoint Slides (Battle of Vimy Ridge Edition)
General Ludwig von Falkenhausen presents “The Week of Suffering” (circa April 2-9, 1917) –>slide 2 Artillery relentless I’d guess about a million shells Somehow can target our artillery, even though…
The stinky choices available in New Egonia
You may also find some self-absorbed individuals at alltop. Originally published in November, 2008, when that picture of me was still very old.
Squirrelly
It is the Season of the Doom. The days darken. Temperatures drop. And the Black Rodents of London are out for blood. Or nuts, at the very least. I remember…
And how would you like your Marcel Duchamp prepared sir?
Someday, thanks to science and human perversity, we will be able to eat people without suffering the pangs of guilt that we have contributed to someone’s murder. Sure, we’ll have…
Ask General Kang: Do you enjoy daylight savings time?
Yes, of course. There’s nothing I enjoy more than having to reset my body’s circadian rhythms because of your human delusion that you control things. Most of you can barely…
Remember, Remember the Fifth of November
Thomas Cadwell watched as the children danced around the bonfire, singing: A penny loaf to feed the Pope. A farthing o’ cheese to choke him. A pint of beer to…
Ask General Kang: If a blogger blogs in the forest, and nobody is around to read it, does it exist?
I think what you’re really asking is can something exist without being perceived. Of course, in this instance, you’re forgetting that the person writing the blog — the blogger —…
The six essentials every writer must have
According to the semi-famous writer, fake expert and shiller of Mac products, John Hodgman — not to be confused with John Hodgeman, inventor of alligator pants — there are six…
Indelicate lists: synonyms for “virgin”
Conventional celibate chaste innocent pure vestal virtuous Negative definition inhibited nonsexual repressed unsexed unused unworked Positive phrases differently climaxed eros free fully flowered penetration exempt sex free New constructions absexual…
The Halloween Feast of Madness Bird
Say what you will about Marge and Delia, but they served a mean turkey dinner. Sure they might have been witches. Sure, they tended to use a little too much…
Jerry Seinfeld on Halloween
Alltop is made of the cheapest, grey aggregator on the web.
The worst toilet in Switzerland
Having recently watched Trainspotting, I was struck by how funny (and then disgusting) the “worst toilet in Scotland” scene was. So, that toilet wins for nasty. I think we have…
Blogger dies of exposure
LONDON, ON (The Skwib) — Yesterday the writer of the popular blog, Prawned! was found draped across his keyboard, unconscious. Patrick Jones, aka Dedred S., was pronounced dead at the…
Where Have All the Readers Gone?
I spend a lot of time thinking about the death of print, the digital revolution and the massive changes we’re in the midst of, but sometimes it pays to remember…
SO glad it’s not just me
Alltop is worried it’s suffocating the funny.
Spike Milligan makes fun of Hitler & Prince Charles
Of course, you could always check out his memoir too, Adolf Hitler, My Part in His Downfall. Alltop is willing to grovel for your laughs.