Ask General Kang: Do you have Santa Claus on your home planet?
No, we didn’t have Santa Claus when I was growing up. We didn’t have Christmas. Heck, we didn’t even have your primitive paleo-brain concept of religion. We did have the…
Mark A. Rayner
Charlie Brown: shallow bastard
So Charlie Brown’s troubles are not because he’s a loser, they’re because he’s shallow: He’s in love with a girl because of her looks. He wants to kick a football…
Unwanted Christmas Gifts Through the Ages
In 1170, King Henry II says, “What a parcel of fools and dastards have I nourished in my house, and not one of them will avenge me of this one…
Space Lunchbox would be a great name for a band
Sad Spaceman contemplates lunch. Alltop would be a great name for a humor blog aggregator.
Christmas Shoes – Patton Oswalt
It seems like all the lights are up in the neighborhood, so I thought I’d post this hilarious Christmas routine by Patton Oswalt: Click here to view the embedded video.…
Sad Spaceman doesn’t read Nietzsche
More Sad Spaceman here. Alltop reads Nietzsche. It just doesn’t understand it.
Why Those 25 Things About You Aren’t “Random”
This is one that has been festering for some time, so please forgive the Phrase Freak if he goes “off the Bale” a bit. Like many changes to the English…
Literary horror stories
But only if the author is very, very lucky. Alltop would like to be turned into a View-a-matic slideshow.
The Tyranny and Creativity of a Word Count
On the other hand, a really specific (short) word limit can force one to be more creative and improve the text. I love the Blaise Pascal quote: “Je n’ai fait…
Time travel/pop culture mashups with good humor potential
Gilligan is marooned on “Más a Tierra”, later renamed to Robinson Crusoe Island, with Alexander Selkirk, a Scottish castaway who had a low tolerance for bullshit Joey (from Friends) is…
Sad Spaceman worries about his tubes
More Sad Spaceman at the website. Alltop is the best humor aggregator on the intertubes.
Ask General Kang: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving on your home world?
No, we have several holidays that are somewhat similar, but essentially we break your celebration into two components. And then we have one “thanksgiving” day which is totally alien to…
Sad Spaceman needs to cut the cord
Alltop just watches youtube all day.
Sad Spaceman regrets breakfast
In case you’re wondering, I’ve started a new Tumblog called Sad Spaceman, and I am stealing things from it. You may get some textual funny later this week. Alltop wouldn’t…
Sad Spaceman gets philosophical
Alltop is worried about having its files decompressed.
Why your cat sits in the most inconvenient place possible
Of course, it’s recent evolution. Alltop loves sitting on the Internet.
Rejected names for the London Rippers
Sometimes it’s a bit embarrassing, living here in London, Ontario. In the last week, we’ve got the dubious honor of being the first city to forcibly remove the tents of…
Survivor Jerusalem: Crucifixion Island
There are only nine challengers left. Jeff Probst introduces the day’s challenge: “For today’s reward challenge, I’m going to tell you what you’re competing for first. We’ve divided you into…
The Merchant Banker Awards
Thorsson had a very small but fanatically loyal client base. They especially liked his aggressive stance vis-a-vis derivatives and lopping the heads off of their competition. Alltop enjoys credit-swap de-cranialization.…
The Future Is Frenzied
Professor Albedo-9000 Frink (the Third) was justifiably proud of his invention. It had taken him nearly 300 years of his genetically enhanced life to construct the Frink Dojigger 12. (Experimental…