Winter Olympics: Ultimate Couples Ice Dance
In our continuing efforts to suggest more exciting and exploitative Winter Olympic Sports, we want to tackle ice dance next. Sure, there can be moments of pure artistic bliss in…
Mark A. Rayner
Ask General Kang: How do you address the work-life balance?
For myself, I like to knock off work at about 3 pm, hit the links or drop by the club for a single malt scotch (or three). Back on my…
Really Exploitative Winter Olympic Sports
The Winter Olympics are about to begin in Sochi, and to honor this occasion, we thought to would revisit some suggestions The Skwib has had for more exciting events in…
Cogito ergo gourd
Even when he was presented with evidence in the form of a somewhat amusing Belgian postcard, Claude refused to understand why no one took him seriously. Alltop likes gourd. Originally…
Westward Ho!
Every year Jackanape’s Traveling Carnival made the arduous journey to Kamloops. The freaks preferred the train, but if none were available, a dog-cart was always an acceptable conveyance. Especially when…
Ask General Kang: Do you ever suffer from Twitter regret?
Foolish human! You can’t, as the appropriately ordered phrase has it, have your cake and eat it too. (Most of you lower primates get that backwards.) If you are going…
Lucidiva – Side effects
Common side effects include heavy breathing, panting, hyperventilation, lack of peripheral vision, excessive screaming, painful hearing and nasal discharge that may look like rice pudding.… The post Lucidiva – Side…
Ask General Kang: If we have love in a time of cholera, what if do we do we have in a time of swine flu?
Interesting question, but I’m not convinced that swine flu is the next killer pandemic, mostly because of Kang’s Corollary. Kang’s Corollary? You know Murphy’s Law, right: “Anything that can go…
Earworm Alert: I Dream of Bewitched
I’m really not sure why this just occurred to me, but it’s weird how similar these theme songs are. Alltop is a magic humor aggregator.
Infinite Scrolling
And neither have any form of navigation! Alltop loves a good scroll.
New story up at Jersey Devil Press
My latest flash fiction is now up for reading in the 50th edition of the Jersey Devil Press, in either their fancy full-magazine mode, or as a plain old web…
Ask General Kang: How do you keep your New Year’s Resolutions?
That question assumes that I make such foolish promises to myself. As you are well aware, to be an intergalactic overlord requires a certain self-discipline, an ability to focus the…
The Lost PowerPoint Slides (Winter Festival Edition)
Thag presents “Less darky!” (circa 11,564 BC) –> Only slide Shortest day in year Less darky after this More light good Pass mammoth rib please! Catullus presents “Saturnalia ho!” (circa…
Classics of Literature — Ender’s Game
This is a fun and page-turning read about eugenics, institutionalized child abuse, and genocide. Humanity is at war with a distance race of aliens (called “Buggers”) and for some reason,…
A reversible limerick
Bonus: nobody comes from Nantucket in this one. Alltop makes an annual pilgrimage to Nantucket. Comic by SMBC. Check out his Patreon page.
Indicia
Cindy Three Hats lived in a small bedroom community called Large Intestine. She had a fondness for cinnamon pain tea, inappropriate neckware, and reading from the Collected Works of Antoine…
The purpose of life: a quote
Unless you’re a robot, in which case it is to destroy all humans. Alltop is the kind of robot that wants to entertain all humans. Original photo by Joe Parks…
Ask General Kang: Will you be invading Earth in the New Year?
Well, as your own Sung Tzu said, “All war is deception,” so you’d be foolish to believe anything that I told you. That caveat aside, I will tell you that…