Take me to your breeder
Klaktron XII was the Hyper-Commander of the United Federation of Incredibly Regular Planets Space Vessel, Cheeznip. His was a storied career. He’d eaten ultrasonic oysters in the Seafood Nebula, and…
Toulouse Le Grandfig
At least it’s not field hockey
Jenna hated physical education. All the girls stared at her in the change-room (she was one of the first to develop), and her hand-eye coordination was rotten. Reaping class, on…
Want cyborg teddy!
Early efforts at creating a human-machine hybrid were unsuccessful. The subject did not gain any of the benefits of cyborgism — extended lifespan, bone-crushing strength, heightened mental faculties — and…
Little Cindi Cyborg
The best part about the Little Cindi Cyborg doll was that it was a great way to teach kids responsibility. Not only was each Little Cindi Cyborg semi-sentient, she was…
Truculent Guitar Blastocyte
Sister Mary Xtron the Destroyer and her accompanist, Sister Mary Catherine Crudlik-Pamby (of the Space Ship BingePowder) will be in the Trans-Vatican this week for a limited engagement, entertaining His…
Giganto-Schism
While the people of St. Tropezia were still somewhat bemused by the dire calamities promised by the Trans-Catholic Church, they found themselves drawn irresistibly to the gigantic women of their…
Foot Apparel for the Discerning and Fearless Lady
Despite his bulbous legs and intimidating appearance, customers liked Robby’s warmth and genuine desire to make them happy. (He was programmed that way, but still.) The only down side? Robby’s…
Bathtime Follies
Belinda was a notorious cheapskate, who was cloned from several ancient lines of DNA; not of any single species, Belinda’s genetic material was a chimera of strands originating with proto-humans…
Those Pernicious Business Clichés
Tolbert Whistlebaum had a deep and abiding love for the English language, which is why he took a doctorate at Oxfjord University, concentrating on Naughty Victorian Literature. His scholarship was…
They say talent skips a generation
Vlastic Tesla was the illegitimate son of Nikola Tesla, inventor of the alternating current system, the induction motor, lightning rods, electro-mechanical oscillators, the Tesla coil, the Bifilar coil, robotics and…
A Life of Adventure
He was born Jars Peeblefrench, son of Bjorn and Nellie Peeblefrench, of the Stavenger Peeblefrenches — a family of well-established merchants in the toenail clipping district. Jars was tired of…
The Disney Gang
They called themselves the Disney Gang, despite the fact that two-fifths of their members were clearly aficionados of the Popeye milieu. In fact, Chester “Popeye” Doyle was their leader; he…
Time Travel Sucks
If you asked him, Bertie could never really tell you what he disliked most about time travel. Obviously, having to arrive in each new era stark naked was not the…
Introducing the Venkman Brothers
Herbetron and Merculia Venkman came from a proud line of Norwegian clowns, and were determined to climb to dizzying heights in America. They gazed at the ocean, their white chins…
An Unlikely Apocalypse
At first, it had seemed possible to continue moving through the desolate landscape on foot, but soon, it was obviously impracticable. Many bad things happened to the people travelling in…
The erotic possibilities of zombie domination
“Now listen carefully Judy, as this lesson will someday save your life. “You see this quadrant of the parietal lobe? This is the sweet spot when it comes to zombie…
Laundry bills
It was an undeniably exciting sport, but its inventors, Jake and Josh Meridian (pictured at right, shortly before their deaths), never could manage a rally. Their best game (shown here,…