Always remember: safety first
These baby gas masks are so easy to put on, you won’t even wake them up, when you slip your wee bundle of joy into it. Just be prepared for…
Toulouse Le Grandfig
Always willing to help
Constable MacHeath was surprisingly helpful when Torag the Bounty Hunter asked him if he’d seen a couple of aliens recently. And, did he know where he could find a decent…
Meanwhile, in Scotland
Agnes MacPummel made her living as a hired mourner, but her métier was punching the unsuspecting bereaved in the face, just as the casket was lowered in the ground. Alltop…
What’s all this, then?
Constable Bertie Twills had no idea how to write a citation for jaywalking aliens, so he just turned his back and pretended not to see them. His partner, Constable “Jimmy”…
Dynastic Ambitions
Reginald Tweedsmuire had invented the tongue depressor, tongue scraper and uvula tickler (better known as the Roman Weight Management Apparatus), and he was said to be in line for a…
Bubble Mode
As a form of travel, giant soap bubble is suited to Buddhist monks, toddlers, and whimsical characters from children’s stories. It is not recommended for 60-year-old podiatrists with catastrophic waxy…
Tell Me About Your Mother
You awake each morning screaming, your mouth dry and your eyes red from the tears that bath your Pillow of Ennui. You had the dream again. Of falling. Of dogs…
The New Clone 12000 Helmet Finally Comes to Market
This fully functional metro-wanker-clone helmet will render your enemies helpless with laughter, right before you incinerate their lower intestines. Two Gigilo-Hertz-powered ocular particle beams makes the Clone 12000 more devastating…
Come on Baby, Do the Locomotion
Capable of doing zero-to-sixty in less than ten seconds, the Flannigan Repto-Buggy was a big seller right after President Rutherford B. Hayes started building the Great Chicken Highway. Thousands of…
Pallas Athena, Goddess of Wisdom and Nerds
She sprang from the cranium of Zeus himself, a divine thought found form, and a blessing unto the Gods, the philosophers of men, and the City of Athens. She was…
Daisy, Daisy, Call on the Cthulu
At first, everyone was really excited when Daisy Stagbys joined the Brighton Cycling Society. She was young, hot, and had a four-seater. And then, when she suggested that she had…
Eventually, you’re going to need a robo-nun
Eucrecia was pretty exciting about her transformation into a Happy Ending Pleasure Bot, but the nice men at Zina-Works 3000 were having problems with the fittings. It was delicate work.…
I want my mummy
Dr. Fleshrender had been trying to learn ancient Egyptian mummification techniques for years, but he’d yet to master even the most basic principles. First of all, he just wasn’t into…
Twenty-Eight Tequilas Later
The party got out of hand roughly the same time Professor Lunchbender decided to create the “ultimate” knob robot. Of course, you had to admire any affaire that required the…
Bibendum’s Career Woes
When Michelin let him go, Bibendum thought he would be fine. That lazy brother of his, Bonhomme, had been pestering him to take over his duties at the Quebec Winter…
The Legend of Pokadot Joe
In the years before the Great Waffle, the common people had a champion. Whenever injustice reared its linear head, Pokadot Joe was there to thump it with his curly-cue cudgel…
Easter Wandfest: The Sisters of Perpetual Chastity and Wandplay
Discipline was never an issue at St. Xavier’s School for Wayward Boys and Cane Toads, as it was run by the Eurethran Order of Nuns — known to the world…
Helping the constabulary with their inquiries
At first he fought he was nicked, didn’he? He fought, “‘allo, what’s ol’ bill comin’ round me jam jar for?” Then he learned, didn’he? Ol’ Bill knew all about that…
Now That’s Cooking
Cynthia had never mastered all of the culinary arts, despite her self-styled title of “Sauciest Chef in the West.” Her ragouts were a disaster and her inability to get a…
Parsing the want ads
Are you ready for an exciting career? An award-winning, International company is looking for unique individuals with leadership ability. We are one of the fastest growing companies in the fastest…