Someone forgot the United Way update again
Shorter Brad Wall:I plan to use every means at my disposal to personally veto any national plan to cut greenhouse gas emissions. But since somebody mentioned pipelines, the idea of…
shorter
On poor excuses
I've previously discussed why there was little reason to think we'd ever see Brad Wall's government lift a finger to deal with poverty in Saskatchewan. But I must admit I'm…
Scrooged
Shorter Assorted Conservative Hacks with Too Much Time On Their Hands:In keeping with the conservative movement's holiday spirit, we pose this most humanitarian of questions: why are there no workhouses?
On incomplete care
Shorter Dustin Duncan:I'm pretty sure a health care system can't do more than two things at a time. And for the ministry I'm overseeing, surgery is no longer one of…
On technological preferences
Shorter Diane Francis: I don’t much like Facebook, but this Google machine is neato. I just typed in “Harper Conservative Talking Points”, and it practically wrote my column for me!
On unaccountability
Shorter Harper Cons: It has come to our attention that we may have come to power on a platform of “whistleblower protection“. This was a typo: our plan was instead…
On questionable support
Shorter Stephen Harper: I only need to receive a single piece of correspondence from somebody to claim their permanent blanket endorsement of everything I might someday propose. Stay tuned for…
On ill-advised pledges
Shorter David Beers: We should start demanding that candidates drop out if a single poll shows them running behind because there’s absolutely no history of voters’ minds changing in the…
On fear merchants
Shorter Stephen Harper: It’s not paranoid fearmongering if somebody’s really out to get you. So here’s to four more years of a government who’s really out to get you.
Grifts within grifts
Shorter Saskatchewan Party Ministry of P3 Giveaways: There’s always a risk that the corporate giants we’re paying to take over government operations might be more interested in making money than…
On institutional improvements
Shorter Carol Goar: When it comes to Canada Post, the only options are cuts, sell-offs or more cuts. Because who could possibly want better service which also increases public revenue?
On know-nothings
Shorter Lisa Raitt: Now that I think about it, somebody should probably be responsible for regulating vehicle safety. (aide whispers in ear) Wait, that’s me? Why is this the first…
The Lemming Party of Canada
Shorter Scott Reid: There is no indignity which we Libs we won’t suffer, and no evil which we won’t allow ourselves to be strongarmed into supporting, if it means marginally…
How to create warped incentives
Shorter John Ibbitson: The NDP is being entirely responsible in preparing for the possible outcomes of the next federal election, and must be punished for it.
Before the fall
Shorter Brad Wall: The whole concept of “From many peoples, strength” doesn’t do much for me. But “From many dinosaur remains, climate devastation”, now that gets me – and any…
Covering for Recession Stephen
Shorter Stephen Poloz: Economic reality has a well-known anti-Conservative bias. So in the interest of neutrality, I refuse to apply common terminology to reality.
On absolutism
Shorter John Ibbitson: The Very Serious People hereby demand that Thomas Mulcair give a definitive yes-or-no answer on all possible trade agreements before we even know what’s in them.
The definition of insanity
Shorter Joe Oliver: We’re fully prepared to blame any recession on Canada’s exposure to international instability. But as proof of our economic competence, we’re planning to spend billions in higher…
Worth considering
Shorter National Post: Rachel Notley and the Alberta NDP are keeping their campaign promises. For some reason, we think this should be a warning rather than a beacon of hope…
On failures of strategy, calculation, politics, principle and general humanity
Shorter Justin Trudeau: Nobody could have foreseen that Canadian voters would judge me based on my actions rather than my self-proclaimed brand.