Ask General Kang: Why don’t you ever mention robots?
Oh, you silly humans and your fascination with robots! And I don’t mean the kind of useful robots that actually exist, like the ones in factories. I assume that by…
Monkeys!
Ask General Kang: How do you beat high gas prices?
I have never owned one of your quaint “internal combustion engine” vehicles, so I have not had to worry about the high price of gas, but I have been getting…
I couldn’t resist posting this. According to the…
I couldn’t resist posting this. According to the CBC: “A monkey wearing a miniature shearling coat and diapers was collected by animal services on Sunday afternoon, after shoppers spotted the…
Ask General Kang: How do you choose a new leader?
Well, on my home planet of Neecknaw, this is a simple affair. The new leader chooses himself. Or herself. But we haven’t had a female leader since the Gloomy Ages…
Byron’s Epic Swims: The Alps
To this day, no one has been able to recreate the feat of naiant heroics that Byron managed in the dark fall of 1816. Having finished buggering Percy Bysshe Shelley…
Clown Apocalypse: The European Atrocity
It became clear after the initial chaos, that some people had a natural immunity to the Bozo Virus. The vast majority of humans were affected, but some seemed unaffected by…
What is that all over his economy? Ants!
I’d like to see what Aesop would make of derivatives. Alltop enjoys a good fable.
“How Did I Ever Live So Long Without a Monkey?”
Not what you think. Trust me. You may even have a tear or two. More information can be found here. Filed under: Advertising Hitting The Mark, Random Thoughts Tagged: monkeys,…
When your imaginary friend is a jerk
Why do our brains do this? Or is it just me and The Oatmeal? Alltop has tons of imaginary friends,and they’re all super!
Hitler Sings! And the First Irish Moon-shot
More from Spike Milligan. And if that wasn’t enough, Spike can make fun of his homeland too. (Though I think he’s actually making fun of the stereotypes.) Alltop doesn’t like…
The Goon Show: Tales of Men’s Shirts
Before Monty Python, there was The Goon Show. I love the way that when Spike Milligan does anything, he breaks the rest of the Goons up. This is their penultimate…
How green are Arthur C. Clarke’s predictions?
I’m always amazed when I see clips of Clarke predicting how technology will change our lives. The clip above is from 1973. In retrospect, he gets so much right, yet…
Humor: an evolutionary explanation
Humans have evolved to have a sense of humor — sorry, most humans have evolved to have a sense of humor because it helps us deal with: the vast indifference…
This is a scream
He survived a tour of duty in Afghanistan. He’s tough. He’s a marine. But Adam was not prepared for the lying ways of the carnies operating the Giant Slingshot. Alltop…
The Night Santa Went Crazy
This fan-made video is a brilliant adaptation of Weird Al’s “The Night Santa Went Crazy”. Click here to view the embedded video. You may also find some crazy at alltop.com.
Why Those 25 Things About You Aren’t “Random”
This is one that has been festering for some time, so please forgive the Phrase Freak if he goes “off the Bale” a bit. Like many changes to the English…
Ask General Kang: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving on your home world?
No, we have several holidays that are somewhat similar, but essentially we break your celebration into two components. And then we have one “thanksgiving” day which is totally alien to…
Rejected names for the London Rippers
Sometimes it’s a bit embarrassing, living here in London, Ontario. In the last week, we’ve got the dubious honor of being the first city to forcibly remove the tents of…
Ask General Kang: Do you enjoy daylight savings time?
Yes, of course. There’s nothing I enjoy more than having to reset my body’s circadian rhythms because of your human delusion that you control things. Most of you can barely…
Would you rather be punched in the face than join Klout?
I completely sympathize with this perspective, but I would ask you NOT to punch me in the face. Despite my better judgement I joined. Look at Klout this way: it’s…