But how do you get the cats to sing on key?
Alltop uses bagpipes whenever its torturing other humor aggregators.
Hinky History
Future History: Wall Street Wiles
Excerpt from the Brainipedia mentograph entry on Wall Street, circa 2020: It wasn’t until the early years of the 2020s that our pre-singularity hominid ancestors realized they should not allow…
I Am the Leggman
There is no more tragic story from the early days of cycling than the legendary Vance (The Leggman) Leggstrong. For a period of nearly a decade, none could match his…
Pirate etymology: sea dog
Many believe the term stems from the dog-like appearance of the seal, while others claim it is grizzled old sailors. Both of these are correct, nautically speaking, but not when…
Aging Nostalgia
This chart imparts two important points to me: I am older than the average American I had no idea the movie Forrest Gump was so important. The list is marginally…
Trojan War Vets Could Never Make It In Today’s World
Except for the wily Odysseus. If he could restrain himself from mass-murdering all of the guys hitting on his hot wife, Penelope, he would probably be able to manage a…
The 70s called
I remember talking to my Grandfather on the phone in 1974. He was in Canada, and I was in the UK. There was an echo that made it very difficult…
An explosion of taste
The pastry chef, Seaman First Class Henry Bunders, had been given specific orders: “make a cake that is like a nuclear explosion.” He’d been able to recreate the effect of…
The Beard Wars, an Oral History
“Captain Chiggerson, can you hear me? Captain?” “I can hear you! I’m blind not deaf.” “Sorry Captain, but you didn’t seem to be responding,” the historian asked. He was a…
Byron’s Epic Swims: The Alps
To this day, no one has been able to recreate the feat of naiant heroics that Byron managed in the dark fall of 1816. Having finished buggering Percy Bysshe Shelley…
Byron’s Epic Swims: Leaving England
Though most famous for his poetry, war heroics, and womanizing, Lord Byron’s greatest achievements all took place in the water. He was born with a deformity in his right foot,…
The League of Peculiar Gentlemen: The Americans
Not to be outdone by their British compatriots, the North American members of the League of Peculiar Gentlemen were also able to strap strange things to their faces. Perhaps the…
The League of Peculiar Gentlemen: The Brits
Though not as well-known as other Leagues composed of remarkable individuals, the League of Peculiar Gentlemen (LOPG) is none-the-less, an astonishing story of sacrifice, heroism, and strapping things over your…
Woody Allen’s Hemingway Is Hilarious
If you haven’t seen Midnight in Paris yet (and if so, shame on you), then these quotes from the movie may be mild spoilers. Hemingway: No subject is terrible if…
Memories of Antietam
child of the corn, a photo by imagecarnival on Flickr. Little Jehoshaphat was born in 1832 to a family of carnival performers and technicians that roamed the Americas. From Georgia…
Colonel Sanders Crosses the Delaware
Little-known to most historians, “Colonel” Harland Sanders crossed the Delaware on December 25, 1776, just after George Washington’s boat. For his help in feeding the troops and giving free soda…
The history of English in 10 minutes
This is really quite impressive, and even funny in many places: -via Jim Anderson, who’s book, DEADLINE, you should check out if you like mysteries. Alltop speaks funglish!
The collapse of the Easter Island civilization, finally explained
I knew there had to be a logical explanation, other than the depressing one provided by Jared Diamond in his book, Collapse. It was a societal Pez addiction. Alltop likes…
A Short History of Groundhog Day
On February 2, it is customary in Canada and the United States to celebrate an annual tradition wherein we allow a chubby burrowing rodent to forecast the weather. This is…