Why it’s not safe to snuggle with a Gila Monster, or, the life of Jim Fowler
Jim Fowler died at the age of eighty-nine, quietly, in his home in Connecticut. I only learned this sad news yesterday, though he died in… The post Why it’s not…
but is it art?
Formidable! My Night at the Moulin Rouge
If you’ve seen the movie Moulin Rouge (2001), then no doubt you’re expecting an extravagant, musical story about this evening. Let me set you straight:… The post Formidable! My Night…
The Dumpster Fire that Is Twitter
Stephen Fry just left Twitter, moments before I started writing this. As recently as a few weeks ago, I would have thought this would be… The post The Dumpster Fire…
What is dark comedy and why do we like it so much?
There I was, on stage, leading the entire audience and cast in a barn-burning, Christ-crunching rendition of Always Look on the Bright Side of Life. It… Continue ReadingWhat is dark comedy…
Biggest laughs…
I’m not entirely sure I agree with my literary patronus on this one, but there is something to be learned from the quote. I DO… Continue ReadingBiggest laughs… The post…
Twain edits
Full quote: I notice that you use plain, simple language, short words and brief sentences. That is the way to write English – it is… Continue ReadingTwain edits The post…
An Open Letter to Boris Johnson’s Hair
Dear Boris Johnson’s Hair, It’s really not going very well, is it? But it’s not your fault. It really isn’t. In the history of British… Continue ReadingAn Open Letter to…
Rejected Halloween-Themed Cereals
After the success of Count Chocula, Boo-berry and Frankenberry, cereal executives everywhere were on the look out for new Halloween-themed cereals. Alas, these never made it to market, though the…
The Simianularity
“I swear to God, I never thought the cyborg-monkeys would betray us.” Alltop wouldn’t survive even the robo-bees stage.
The void loves you
The caption is perfect if you imagine it being narrated by Werner Herzog. Herzog continues to read: “The orange sky, like the creeping shadows that threaten to engulf our fictional…
Excruciating Album Cover Art — Mr. Bat Sings
“Can’t sleep, clown will eat me.” –Bart Simpson I always used to think one of the silliest phobias was coulrophobia — the fear of clowns — until I saw this…
Alexandra Leaving – a short history
This song is based on a poem by the Greek poet, Constantine P. Cavafy. His source material was a story from Plutarch about Mark Anthony, as he watched his allies…
Crazy like a fox
Reagan did a lot of this during the Reykjavík Summit with Gorbachev, but it was part of his strategy. He was TRYING to make Gorby and the Russians think he…
Furious George
Angry monkey with a chaingun. I’ve been there. Alltop would never give a weapon to a lower primate. From Otipess.
Twitterpocalypse
Writer’s note: Most of the Twitter handles are invented. And if the reverse chronology is a problem, you may prefer to start this short story at the beginning, but I…
Time travel is human nature
Time travel has been on been on my mind lately, and in that context, nostalgia. As someone who meditates, and who, at one point, was… The post Time travel is…