Important Poll Here
Cowboy boot sandals! One of the 47 Signs of the Apocalypse? https://t.co/ViUC12yscf https://t.co/UeTmWnBwmy #fads — Mark A. Rayner (@markarayner) April 25, 2016 Naturally, if “yes” comes out on top, then…
Mark A. Rayner
William Shatner’s Inaugural Address
(After Winning the First Post-Two-Party Presidential Election) Friends, Americans, Countrymen! Lend me your ears. I come to bury our two-party system, not praise it. I stand before you today, not…
The Transmutation of Gary
Early on in the Transmutation of Gary, there was a problem. Gary didn’t enjoy the idea of being transmuted, though he was open to the idea of transubstantiation. (A non-starter,…
Early Outbreaks of the Bozo Virus
Following the cataclysm of the Clown Apocalypse, researchers discovered there had been similar plagues throughout the ages. One of the worst outbreaks in history was the Great Buffoon Drive of…
Vanity Thy Name is Robot
By mid-century, all the grumpkins agreed: robots were the shit. Even the most hardened humano-mechanicals were aware their robotic cousins could kick their asses. And the feed stock? Don’t be…
Happy Yanksgiving!
Alltop prefers roast opossum. Original photo by Doug Brown via Flickr.
Camusic of the Spheres
The dreams had returned, again, and no amount of coffee and cigarettes could keep their influence at bay. The ennui was crushing at times, and even talking with an outrageous…
Forty-seven Signs of the Apocalypse (#29)
From the Book of Coiffureum And unto the Faithful, a terrible abomination will stalk the land, and there will be a great wailing. Unto the bros there will be a…
Dr. Tundra Perfects the Whatsit Upgrade
Whatsit 2.0 had been so popular that Dr. Tundra did not waste any time getting started on 3.0. It would be ready by the next quarter. And then there was…
The Ruins — a new flash fiction at the Caesura Letters
I have a new flash fiction up this week at the Caesura Letters called The Ruins. It’s a different kind of piece — a meditation on the nature of Stoicism…
Twitter etiquette
If someone follows you, please, don’t immediately DM them and ask them to friend you on FB now, or buy your book, or watch your hilarious YouTube videos, etc. Imagine…
The tyranny of freedom
From Kurt Vonnegut’s Bluebeard, 1987.
After the Clown Apocalypse
Like all pandemics, the Bozo Virus ran its course. For those of us who were immune, we had to watch society go mad with clowning. Some saw the horrors of…
Why the 30 Years War lasted so long
It wasn’t just because all the players had such deeply held religious beliefs. It was also because they had a virtual parity in robots and x-wing fighters. Just a little…
Gonzo street
One of my guilty pleasures is Jim’ll Paint It — where readers request crazy scenarios and Jim makes them happen through the magic of imagination (and some kind of hallucinogen,…
The nature of novelists
A short addendum, filed under who knows: Time-travelling pirates Über-chimp astrologers Ham-fisted hosers Over-emotional AIs Plus this subset of writers: Whisky-swilling scribblers Wine-soaked hacks Beery autobiographers Alltop is a algorithm…
A post in which I quote Marx
See, there was nothing to worry about, comrades. Alltop is not half-hearted about humor.
You tell ’em Kurt
I post this quote for no particular reason. It’s from his collection, Wampeters, Foma, and Granfalloons. Alltop has some insanely fun links.
The Digital Sabbath, or Why I Never Reply to Your Emails on Saturday
If it’s Saturday and you’re reading this, I am far away from you. That’s because every week, I unplug and celebrate what I call the digital sabbath.… The post The Digital Sabbath,…