Ask General Kang: How do you choose a new leader?
Well, on my home planet of Neecknaw, this is a simple affair. The new leader chooses himself. Or herself. But we haven’t had a female leader since the Gloomy Ages…
Mark A. Rayner
Thag not like mornings!
When he awoke, his mate Onga was less than a hand away from his face, smiling her most dazzling smile. Somewhere, out in the forest, birds were chirping; bright light…
Ask General Kang: Would you ever consider running for public office?
Your politicians disgust me. They pander to the lowest common denominator. They lie. They’re corrupt. They are vile, low creatures, worse than a Tregladian Bladder Beast, or even that fuzzy…
An Open Letter to John Hodgman, Minor Celebrity
Dear Judge John Hodgman, I would normally never bother a minor celebrity, but I have a warning to pass along. It may save your life. Last night I had a…
Ask General Kang: Do you have a profile on Facebook?
Absolutely! You can’t take over a planet without a few friends. I like the way that Facebook allows me to be connected the minutia of my friends’ lives. This is…
Bathtime Follies
Belinda was a notorious cheapskate, who was cloned from several ancient lines of DNA; not of any single species, Belinda’s genetic material was a chimera of strands originating with proto-humans…
The Mash-Up Mentality
With derivative art invading our cultural spaces like never before, is this the start of a new artistic movement or the death of originality? In 1951, the science-fiction writer Theodore…
How to be a Visionary
At least as far as this mash-up world goes, anyway. (In which running someone else’s cartoon counts as content.) Alltop is a vision of humor. How to be a Visonary,…
Ask General Kang: Did you have the Olympics on your home world?
That is a ridiculous question! I come from another planet, deep in another galaxy, on which the dominant lifeforms have evolved along a completely different track from you humans. What…
Where all the aliens at?
Maybe Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal is onto something here. Perhaps the reason that nobody has visited us yet is because they can’t agree on what they’re going to do with…
Ask General Kang: Apparently, only one in four people read a book last year — how can we improve that figure?
I’d start by disabling the publishing industry in some way — perhaps an elite cadre of pulp-loving squirrels armed with plasma-shredders and capable of firing book worms out of their…
Forty-seven Signs of the Apocalypse (#32)
From the Book of Toll-Free Numbers And lo, there will come a time when it will be possible to talk to the other Faithful, who live at great distances. Truly,…
Clown Apocalypse: Buffoonibilism
This isn’t terrifying is it? He looks kinda fun, right? Sure, up until the point he starts to eat your face. One of the mutations of the Bozo Virus that…
Hand drawn grids
When I’m not posting nonsense here, and writing novels that you can (ahem), buy here, I teach at the Faculty of Information and Media Studies, at Western. A lot of…
Famous Paintings with SF Titles: The Grondak Slayer
Up until recently, many believed this was Rembrandt’s masterpiece. According to most experts, it was likely painted by one of Rembrandt’s students, but it is a virtuoso work none-the-less. The…
But Batman is lonely too, Sad Spaceman
Alltop always wanted to be Robin. I know, weird, right?
Clown Apocalypse: The Sexy Cataclysm
The Clown Apocalypse was not universally grim, unless you were coulrophobe with a debilitating fear of clowns. Apart from the moments of hilarity you’d sometimes get when you saw someone…
Those Pernicious Business Clichés
Tolbert Whistlebaum had a deep and abiding love for the English language, which is why he took a doctorate at Oxfjord University, concentrating on Naughty Victorian Literature. His scholarship was…
"Taking the Waters"
I love the sales features: no diet, no bath, no exercise! –Wait, no bath? I’m sure they mean the notion of “Taking the Waters” for weight loss and the curing…
What is art?
“The basic project of art is always to make the world whole and comprehensible, to restore it to us in all its glory and its occasional nastiness, not through argument…