Your politicians disgust me. They pander to the lowest common denominator. They lie. They’re corrupt. They are vile, low creatures, worse than a Tregladian Bladder Beast, or even that fuzzy…
Dear Judge John Hodgman, I would normally never bother a minor celebrity, but I have a warning to pass along. It may save your life. Last night I had a…
Absolutely! You can’t take over a planet without a few friends. I like the way that Facebook allows me to be connected the minutia of my friends’ lives. This is…
Belinda was a notorious cheapskate, who was cloned from several ancient lines of DNA; not of any single species, Belinda’s genetic material was a chimera of strands originating with proto-humans…
With derivative art invading our cultural spaces like never before, is this the start of a new artistic movement or the death of originality? In 1951, the science-fiction writer Theodore…
At least as far as this mash-up world goes, anyway. (In which running someone else’s cartoon counts as content.) Alltop is a vision of humor. How to be a Visonary,…
That is a ridiculous question! I come from another planet, deep in another galaxy, on which the dominant lifeforms have evolved along a completely different track from you humans. What…
Maybe Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal is onto something here. Perhaps the reason that nobody has visited us yet is because they can’t agree on what they’re going to do with…
I’d start by disabling the publishing industry in some way — perhaps an elite cadre of pulp-loving squirrels armed with plasma-shredders and capable of firing book worms out of their…
From the Book of Toll-Free Numbers And lo, there will come a time when it will be possible to talk to the other Faithful, who live at great distances. Truly,…
This isn’t terrifying is it? He looks kinda fun, right? Sure, up until the point he starts to eat your face. One of the mutations of the Bozo Virus that…
When I’m not posting nonsense here, and writing novels that you can (ahem), buy here, I teach at the Faculty of Information and Media Studies, at Western. A lot of…
Up until recently, many believed this was Rembrandt’s masterpiece. According to most experts, it was likely painted by one of Rembrandt’s students, but it is a virtuoso work none-the-less. The…
Alltop always wanted to be Robin. I know, weird, right?
The Clown Apocalypse was not universally grim, unless you were coulrophobe with a debilitating fear of clowns. Apart from the moments of hilarity you’d sometimes get when you saw someone…
Tolbert Whistlebaum had a deep and abiding love for the English language, which is why he took a doctorate at Oxfjord University, concentrating on Naughty Victorian Literature. His scholarship was…
I love the sales features: no diet, no bath, no exercise! –Wait, no bath? I’m sure they mean the notion of “Taking the Waters” for weight loss and the curing…
Severely. On Planet Neecknaw, the original lifespan of the average Neecknabian was similar to the average for your chimpanzees, 40-45 years or so. Is that on a diet of bananas…
I actually like it when the pilot comes on to talk to us lowly cattle. It makes me feel like I have some kind of relationship with the person that…
What is art?
“The basic project of art is always to make the world whole and comprehensible, to restore it to us in all its glory and its occasional nastiness, not through argument…