Ask General Kang: Is there anything wrong with using the word ‘sartorial’?
You probably get a lot of funny looks when you employ that adjective. Some of the looks are from borderline homophobes, who believe that you’d have to be a little…
Mark A. Rayner
It’s Cyborg Morning in the Singularity
Bob was not a happy cyborg. He’d had to skip his plasma bath and neural detox that morning because his dick of a boss, a narcissistic self-sustaining photosynthetic artificial intelligence…
Joel and the Corporate Ziggurat
Joel LeFrappe was an up-and-coming executive in the Massive and Deranged Cricket and Palmistry (MaDCaP) Continuum, homeworld of ToryWorks 4000, a rival firm of NaziWorks 3000 (The Caring Company). While…
Ask General Kang: How do you beat high gas prices?
I have never owned one of your quaint “internal combustion engine” vehicles, so I have not had to worry about the high price of gas, but I have been getting…
Ask General Kang: What kind of drug policies do you have on your home world?
Interesting question, no doubt prompted by the recent vote for the decriminalizing of marijuana possession in Washington. Given the bloodthirsty nature of my intergalactic conquests, you will be surprised to…
When in Rome
You know what Harvey hated? He really hated it when people misquoted things or used sayings the wrong way. For example: the proof is in the pudding. “No fucker.” Harvey…
Furnished room for let
The Kelly Gang was notorious, not only for their 1905 pancake rampage through East Ham, but for their queer genetic makeup. In the back row, you can make out the…
The obligatory Fridgularity review roundup post
Loved Duffbert’s take: “One of the most entertaining and funny books I’ve read this year.” Katy Sozeva has a rave review of the book at her blog, Now is Gone:…
Ask General Kang: I’ve just spilled really hot coffee in my lap — is this what they mean by "global warming"?
Most of the scientific community and a large number of other thinking hominids believe global warming to be an observed increase in the average temperature of the Earth’s atmosphere and…
A taste of the world with no Internet
So anyone who uses Rogers for their Internet access got a little taste of the world depicted in my latest novel, The Fridgularity. The Internet services provided by the company…
When robotic urinals attack
Last weekend Dr. Maximillian Tundra was lucky enough to go away for the weekend on a roadtrip with his buddies. It was nearly the last thing he ever did. After…
It all boils down to your programming
The artificial intelligence(s) in The Fridgularity emphatically do not fall in love. Sex, sure, but love? Alltop is in lust with humor.
Help with your New Year’s Resolutions
A bit of advice from Bob Newhart: But you shouldn’t stop going to Alltop.
Happy New Year’s!
Happy New Years all! And thanks to The Cartoon Blog for the cartoon. Alltop is always new and funny.
You know, it’s really important to tell the truth
Maybe this is why Billy Joel thinks honesty is such a lonely word… Alltop sits on a throne of lies. And jokes.
Ask General Kang: How do you deal with wrap rage?
Wrap rage, for all my readers who are unfamiliar with the phenomenon, is the rising anger and dementia that you feel when you are unable to open the shiny new…
Last chance to get Pirate Therapy and Other Cures for free
You can download the Kindle edition for free, today and Monday only! “Mr. Rayner brings us wit, sarcasm, and a slightly deranged view of the world, as he sees it,…
Selected Media Fads Through the Ages
24,000-22,000 BC: chunky fertility goddess statues (pictured at right: notice the prominent and large brains.) 10,000 BC: cave painting 4,000 BC: ziggurat construction 3,000-1,250 BC: pyramid raising (later revived by…
How it all began, I mean, AFTER the nuclear explosion
Sumiko: Soto Noodle — you will want to suck them fast! Godzilla: So you serve noodles? Sumiko: Yes sir, we are noodle shop. Godzilla: Excellent, I’d like an order of…
Ask General Kang: As a world-conquering potentate, what is your policy regarding instant gratification?
Well, I’m totally against it. From what I can see there is too much instant gratification happening here on Terra; and this is at least some part of the reason…