I want my mummy
Dr. Fleshrender had been trying to learn ancient Egyptian mummification techniques for years, but he’d yet to master even the most basic principles. First of all, he just wasn’t into…
Mark A. Rayner
Twenty-Eight Tequilas Later
The party got out of hand roughly the same time Professor Lunchbender decided to create the “ultimate” knob robot. Of course, you had to admire any affaire that required the…
How social media has changed the news conference
This moment of snark brought to you by the incomprable XKCD. Alltop wonders if Google+ has a role to play.
Bibendum’s Career Woes
When Michelin let him go, Bibendum thought he would be fine. That lazy brother of his, Bonhomme, had been pestering him to take over his duties at the Quebec Winter…
How Man of Steel should have ended
I love these alternate (more logical) endings. This one presupposes that Superman is actually pretty smart. (Which, I’m not saying he isn’t, by the way. But we all know Batman…
The Legend of Pokadot Joe
In the years before the Great Waffle, the common people had a champion. Whenever injustice reared its linear head, Pokadot Joe was there to thump it with his curly-cue cudgel…
Easter Wandfest: The Sisters of Perpetual Chastity and Wandplay
Discipline was never an issue at St. Xavier’s School for Wayward Boys and Cane Toads, as it was run by the Eurethran Order of Nuns — known to the world…
Helping the constabulary with their inquiries
At first he fought he was nicked, didn’he? He fought, “‘allo, what’s ol’ bill comin’ round me jam jar for?” Then he learned, didn’he? Ol’ Bill knew all about that…
J. K. Rowling — NOT the author of The Fridgularity
I’m not sure how these rumors get started, but just to be clear: the famous, best-selling author J. K. Rowling (best known for her Harry Potter books) is not the…
Now That’s Cooking
Cynthia had never mastered all of the culinary arts, despite her self-styled title of “Sauciest Chef in the West.” Her ragouts were a disaster and her inability to get a…
Ask General Kang: Do you pardon your followers, even if they did something wrong?
I would never pardon a follower if they did ME wrong, but if they made a “mistake” and were then penalized by the legal community, I might decide to save…
The History of Typography
In The Fridgularity, the emergent consciousness communicates to the protagonist (Blake Given) through text. Blake learns to read the mood of the consciousness (called Zathir) by pairing that emotional context…
Renoir’s The Festival of Slorg
Many art historians believe this to be the famous painting, Luncheon of the Boating Party (Le déjeuner des canotiers) by the French impressionist Pierre-Auguste Renoir, painted in 1881. They are…
Parsing the want ads
Are you ready for an exciting career? An award-winning, International company is looking for unique individuals with leadership ability. We are one of the fastest growing companies in the fastest…
Grant Wood’s The Aliens Among Us
This iconic painting is well-known and much parodied, but few have ever divined the true nature of the horrific story behind the canvas. Most art historians agree that Woods used…
Ask General Kang: What should you do if you discover your leader is a hypocrite?
First of all, don’t be surprised. Then, I suppose it depends a little what kind of hypocrite. For example, if you are talking about a leader of a church —…
Pedantica YouTubicus: 50 Common Misquotes
This is a little on the pedantic side, but still pretty good fun. Alltop is never misquoted but often funny.
If on a Summer’s Day, a Fridgularity
You are reading a blog posting about Mark A. Rayner’s most recent book, The Fridgularity. You had been hoping to find a funny picture, and maybe a microfiction that played…
Fat cells galore, and what we can learn from them
Fat Fact Every part of the human body contains fat cells, except for: the eyelids parts of the esophagus the brain the penis. From this we can learn three things:…