Education
In the ongoing series of things I learn every day, this post is the ‘what I learned last night’ flagship. It’s important to learn something every day. My fifth grade…
cenobyte
Stevedores, Justacorps, and les petits mots d’amours
Really, I just like things that rhyme. It’s been a rough summer. A gorgeous, beautiful, hot summer. But a rough one. I’m not much in to opening up. I’m sure…
Beware the Bandersnatch, my boy
I would make a shitty spy. Seriously. Espionage would totally not be my strong suit. I’d wriggle my way to someone’s baccarat table, receive a SECRET MESSAGE jotted on a…
Be Strong
Dear Princess Kate Middleton: Let me open this missive by saying I don’t actually give much of a rat’s arse about the social and class structure to which you now…
Trap, Sir!
This morning, not fifteen minutes hence, I found myself entirely unable to undress myself. To wit: I was stuck inside my shirt. In order to contain my glorious and magnificent…
Terebus and Error
I was sailing blind, sailing starless, drifting sail-less through black water. I had cast my lot in with the sea spirits. I was navigating by soul. I trusted my instinct,…
Isthmus
I’m sorry. I can’t do it anymore. I cannot bridge the gulf between the vast and endless ocean that is this need. Not that it’s anything I’ve ever accomplished in…
Dumb
Okay, I guess I need to preface this post about the recall of infant chairs by reminding you that all parents are psychotic. All of us. First, we decide to…
Part of the Precipitate
It’s not “a savings”. There’s no such thing as “a savings”. “Savings” means more than one. Know why? Because it’s fucking plural. Fucking plural means “more than one”. In fact,…
A New Understanding
I don’t know what happened, but somewhere along the line, you lost interest. And that’s okay; it just means I have to rejig my understanding of us. Or rather, my…
Standard(s)
In watching the news this morning, I was a little saddened to hear about church fires and people being dicks to one another in general. I’d like to point you…
Dream
I have just completed my second go at the Sage Hill Writing Experience. My head is too full of words and inspiration and creativity to say much about it here.…
Allow me to Poop on your Parade
When we were looking for a place to live, we chose to buy a home in a beautiful, peaceful valley. Every day after work, we crest the hill and the…
Giving
Sometimes, I like to just sit and think about how there are so many words that people use incorrectly. This, of course, reflects on how, in English, we have words…
Be Precise
So you’ve heard about CERN scientists finding evidence that confirms the Higgs boson. This is huge news. Scientists have found a *new kind of particle*. I’m not going to talk…
Charity
I’m not sure when “charity” became a bad word. “I’m no charity case” is one of those things people say when their pride gets in the way of common sense…
Chores
How to Get Your Kids to Stop Bitching About Doing Yardwork: Ask politely. Ask politely again. Ask firmly, but politely, for the ungrateful turds to pitch in once in a…
Solar Powered
Not that this information is going to make a huge difference in your life, but it’s something you might find interesting. Or you may not. I don’t know. But. By…
Skin
I have had a Thought. It is a Big Thought, so I might need a bit of time to work this out. It started this way: Would you rather look…