So I know it’s been a long time, and probably nobody will read this. However I wanted to update what’s been going on in my life.
I was always skeptical of methadone. I swore I would never go on it, because everyone I know who is on it has warned me over and over again about all the cons — they call it ‘liquid handcuffs’ because you can’t do without it, ever. You have to bring it with you if you travel, which can be a hassle. If you miss the pharmacy hours, you’re screwed. You’ve got to see the at least every two weeks, etc, etc. So all these things, plus all the stupid myths that are out there about methadone (i.e., it rots your teeth/bones, it stays in your spinal cord, it does all sorts of terrible things to you) kept me from ever applying.
I was on probation for 3 1/2 years, which finally ended in July. And one of my conditions was to seek treatment. So I did — multiple times over the course of that probation order. I went to detox a few times. I went to the ROH twice, outpatient detox and inpatient detox, both using suboxone to detox me. I also tried to kick myself, went to NA, did just about everything I could think of to satisfy that condition. And I lied to just about everyone about my use, which basically did not abate except for those short periods of time I was in detox or treatment of some sort. I even went to NA high, god knows how many times.
I went to see a doctor here in Ottawa who prescribes both suboxone and methadone, and my plan was to get on suboxone daily, as a maintenance instead of detox (so I’d be taking it every day, indefinitely, instead of taking it over three weeks while weaning down off of it) and almost went through with it. However suboxone isn’t covered (currently) under the Ontario Drug Benefit, so that idea went down the toilet. A few months later (about two months ago) I was finally at the end of my rope. I was moving into a new place September 1st, and my new roommate was on methadone, and so I really wanted to do something to stop using. Many, many people have told me about Oasis at Sandy Hill CHC, and how cool the doctors are there, and how quickly you can get on and stop using, etc.
So I went. Finally. Saw the nurse, did a bunch of bloodwork, liver tests, intake assessment, and then three days later saw the doctor and got my first drink of methadone! I started at 30mg and now I’m up to 65mg. Once I passed 45 I stopped using entirely. Now, I can honestly say, I haven’t injected any opiates in almost 6 weeks. It’s crazy how fast time goes by! My new place is amazing, I’ve been cleaning and cooking and doing things regular people do. It’s kind of crazy how ‘normal’ my life is. Except for the fact that I’m still sort of in the crazy underworld of drugs because of the area I live in and the people I still associate with.
But anyway — things are going really well. Except politically, of course. It looks like Mitt Romney (gag) has a decent shot at winning the US Presidency, and Stephen Harper has his majority here, and I’m just praying that Obama wins and that Thomas Mulcair eventually wins here too. I haven’t done any advocacy or public speaking in a while, but I’m going to a meeting tonight: the Safer Consumption Sites Coalition (or something with the acronym CSCS Ottawa, I can’t exactly remember) are meeting to talk about potential sites and strategies in Ottawa. I’m like 80% sure I’m going, just not completely sure how I feel about it yet.
Anyway, more political and other stuff to come soon!! Check back because I have a computer and little to do at home now, and high-speed internet. Oh yeah, and extremely strong opinions on just about everything!
-JM
