Klaktron XII was the Hyper-Commander of the United Federation of Incredibly Regular Planets Space Vessel, Cheeznip. His was a storied career. He’d eaten ultrasonic oysters in the Seafood Nebula, and lived to tell the tale (in five-part harmony). He’d fought … Continue reading →
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mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Classic miscommunication
He’d met her at a bar uptown, and she seemed like a classy dame, but there was something odd about her. When she’d said, “you know Lance, I’d really like to show you my sink, and you could play with … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: At least it’s not field hockey
Jenna hated physical education. All the girls stared at her in the change-room (she was one of the first to develop), and her hand-eye coordination was rotten. Reaping class, on the other hand, was her favorite. She especially liked the … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Want cyborg teddy!
Early efforts at creating a human-machine hybrid were unsuccessful. The subject did not gain any of the benefits of cyborgism — extended lifespan, bone-crushing strength, heightened mental faculties — and in the process, the computer used to augment the human … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Little Cindi Cyborg
The best part about the Little Cindi Cyborg doll was that it was a great way to teach kids responsibility. Not only was each Little Cindi Cyborg semi-sentient, she was outfitted with a hyper-plasma retainer and an ocular implant that … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Truculent Guitar Blastocyte
Sister Mary Xtron the Destroyer and her accompanist, Sister Mary Catherine Crudlik-Pamby (of the Space Ship BingePowder) will be in the Trans-Vatican this week for a limited engagement, entertaining His Hyper-Holiness, The Trans-Dimensional RoboPope, Lexnor Innocent III, and his Death … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Giganto-Schism
While the people of St. Tropezia were still somewhat bemused by the dire calamities promised by the Trans-Catholic Church, they found themselves drawn irresistibly to the gigantic women of their saucy little planet, and formed the Giganto Creed. Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Foot Apparel for the Discerning and Fearless Lady
Despite his bulbous legs and intimidating appearance, customers liked Robby’s warmth and genuine desire to make them happy. (He was programmed that way, but still.) The only down side? Robby’s occasional malfunctions ended up in a lot of foot amputations … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Bathtime Follies
Belinda was a notorious cheapskate, who was cloned from several ancient lines of DNA; not of any single species, Belinda’s genetic material was a chimera of strands originating with proto-humans from places that are evocative of myth, names to conjure … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Those Pernicious Business Clichés
Tolbert Whistlebaum had a deep and abiding love for the English language, which is why he took a doctorate at Oxfjord University, concentrating on Naughty Victorian Literature. His scholarship was insufficient to cover his tuition and his love affair with … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: They say talent skips a generation
Vlastic Tesla was the illegitimate son of Nikola Tesla, inventor of the alternating current system, the induction motor, lightning rods, electro-mechanical oscillators, the Tesla coil, the Bifilar coil, robotics and the electronic logic gate, wireless technology, radio astronomy, the teleforce … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: A Life of Adventure
He was born Jars Peeblefrench, son of Bjorn and Nellie Peeblefrench, of the Stavenger Peeblefrenches — a family of well-established merchants in the toenail clipping district. Jars was tired of being Norwegian, and he left his family for a life … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: The Disney Gang
They called themselves the Disney Gang, despite the fact that two-fifths of their members were clearly aficionados of the Popeye milieu. In fact, Chester “Popeye” Doyle was their leader; he did a crack impression of the pugnacious cartoon sailor, and … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Time Travel Sucks
If you asked him, Bertie could never really tell you what he disliked most about time travel. Obviously, having to arrive in each new era stark naked was not the most pleasant experience. It usually meant having at least a … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Introducing the Venkman Brothers
Herbetron and Merculia Venkman came from a proud line of Norwegian clowns, and were determined to climb to dizzying heights in America. They gazed at the ocean, their white chins pointed up with pride, their red noses threatening to fly … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: An Unlikely Apocalypse
At first, it had seemed possible to continue moving through the desolate landscape on foot, but soon, it was obviously impracticable. Many bad things happened to the people travelling in traditional, bipedal mode: Ether-snakes. Entropic planter fasciitis. Electric sand. (And … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: The erotic possibilities of zombie domination
“Now listen carefully Judy, as this lesson will someday save your life. “You see this quadrant of the parietal lobe? This is the sweet spot when it comes to zombie domination. If you can deliver even a modest blow to … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Pantomime Jaw-Warbler
Albert Ploof was an early pioneer in the field of haberdaeronics, and celebrated throughout Europe, despite the fact that his mother was Jewish and his father was a mime. He entertained throughout the courts of Europe, telling of plans to … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: The Safety Word Is "Kaisershaft"
Mistress Plenty O’Taunt was the four-time winner of Dominatrix of the Year, given at the annual “Dommie” ceremony held the day after the Nobel Prizes. (Though only Sven Spankenborg sat on both the Nobel and Dommie committees.) Though known primarily … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Laundry bills
It was an undeniably exciting sport, but its inventors, Jake and Josh Meridian (pictured at right, shortly before their deaths), never could manage a rally. Their best game (shown here, immediately preceding their horrific fiery demise) never really got off … Continue reading →
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