Once again, Dr. Tundra woke with a splitting headache, the feeling that he’d fallen asleep with a mouthful of half-masticated rat, and a pain in his lower back that could only be called apocalyptic. He opened his eyes; it felt … Continue reading →
Continue readingTag: Skwibby fiction
mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: A Life of Adventure
He was born Jars Peeblefrench, son of Bjorn and Nellie Peeblefrench, of the Stavenger Peeblefrenches — a family of well-established merchants in the toenail clipping district. Jars was tired of being Norwegian, and he left his family for a life … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: The Beard Wars, an Oral History
“Captain Chiggerson, can you hear me? Captain?” “I can hear you! I’m blind not deaf.” “Sorry Captain, but you didn’t seem to be responding,” the historian asked. He was a young man, and was frankly shocked by the Captain’s long … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Time Travel Sucks
If you asked him, Bertie could never really tell you what he disliked most about time travel. Obviously, having to arrive in each new era stark naked was not the most pleasant experience. It usually meant having at least a … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Short conversations: Merlot
Scene: A fancy restaurant. Miles sits with his old friend, Jack, as they wait for their dates to arrive. Waiters bustle around the room efficiently, dressed in black tie and wearing white aprons. Jack: If they want to drink Merlot, … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Clown Apocalypse: The European Atrocity
It became clear after the initial chaos, that some people had a natural immunity to the Bozo Virus. The vast majority of humans were affected, but some seemed unaffected by the clownish behaviors and grotesque physical changes caused by the … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Byron’s Epic Swims: Leaving England
Though most famous for his poetry, war heroics, and womanizing, Lord Byron’s greatest achievements all took place in the water. He was born with a deformity in his right foot, or as it was so sensitively known in the 18th … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Laundry bills
It was an undeniably exciting sport, but its inventors, Jake and Josh Meridian (pictured at right, shortly before their deaths), never could manage a rally. Their best game (shown here, immediately preceding their horrific fiery demise) never really got off … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Tales of the Second Amendment
Current research in developmental psychology shows that if caretakers allow a toddler to assert more control over what they do, there are definite benefits to the child’s autonomy, self-reliance and confidence. They took this principle entirely too far at the … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Death of a humanist
It’s hard to process the idea that Kurt Vonnegut died last night. He wasn’t immortal — at least in the “not dying” sense — but it felt like the world was a better place knowing he was still in it. … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Butterscotch Pie
Cecil and Barton were locked in a gentlemen’s psycho-drama that ammunition could not solve. How it had begun, neither could say. Perhaps it had to do with one of them sleeping with the other’s mother, or sister, or perhaps it … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Local man wins big after rolling up rim
LONDON, Ontario (The Skwib) — It started like any normal day, but after winning in Tim Horton’s “roll up the rim” contest, Neddie Bubbin’s life will never be the same. “I just can’t believe it,” Bubbin told The Skwib, after … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: The dream of flight
It seemed impossible, but it was happening. Glen was flying! The geese had flown higher and higher, above the clouds, so he could now take in the glorious early morning sunlight — Glen guessed about eight or nine-thousand feet. It … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: A Merchant Banker Returns to the Farm
After the financial collapse of 2013, the Ancient Order of Merchant Bankers fell on hard times. No longer could they turn a profit using the dark magic of derivative and credit-default swaps, plus many of the “financial instruments” they had … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: A Valentine’s Day gift to remember
The year is 1952. After discovering the patent for Michael Flannigan’s infamous “Mammary Sympathizer” in a back issue of 19th Century Inventions That Could Have Been Less Offensive, early Emily Chesley enthusiasts Barry Tickson and Orson Flatbread (both citizens of … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: The Unit Upgrade
“Mr. President, we have to talk about the unit.” “What unit, Minister?” “Remember the regiment that was forgotten in the Peltarsh Mountains?” “Right. The unit of horse archers. Did we ever figure out what to do with all those old … Continue reading →
Continue readingThe Skwib: The five second rule
It was the best game of zenball ever, and the crowd was wild with excitement: the whisper of butterfly wings was deafening. The Rotrovra Koan Kangaroos had just scored their first all-in kensho, and the Targenville Half-Lotus Lions replied with a double-satori. The Roos launched a full-out dharma walk, but
Continue readingThe Skwib: Octopuses’ Garden
Peter Stumbersby was a devotee of the Browning Diving Suit, though for some time he had owned an original Flannigan Breathing Apparatus (it almost killed him.) Neither of these submersible garments were cheap to maintain. The Browning Suit, especially, got a little funky, as he insisted on wearing it even
Continue readingThe Skwib: How Anne of Green Gables Destroyed the World
“Like most of you I was inclined to say the war was caused by fish.” However, after a close examination of the evidence, Cadman Michaels — who held doctorates in theoretical physics and history, but who called himself an Alternate Historian — could say now with some confidence that the
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