Author: mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys
mark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Avignon releases RoboPope schematics
AVIGNON (The Skwib) — Earlier today the Avignon Papacy held a news conference to confirm the existence of RoboPope, going so far as to release schematics of the first fully functional cyber-Pontiff. “Many question the existence of RoboPope,” Bishop of … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Robo-schism
ROME (The Skwib) — Last night more than 75,000 faithful assembled in St. Peter’s Square to worship at a special ceremony. Instead they witnessed the beginning of a new schism in the Catholic church. All seemed to be going to … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Foot Apparel for the Discerning and Fearless Lady
Despite his bulbous legs and intimidating appearance, customers liked Robby’s warmth and genuine desire to make them happy. (He was programmed that way, but still.) The only down side? Robby’s occasional malfunctions ended up in a lot of foot amputations … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Fitted Sheets — Perfectly Cromulent Folding Instructions
Perfectly crumulent indeed. Alltop has trouble with t-shirts too.
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Ask General Kang: A long question…
Dear General Kang: My apologies for this really long question, but there is an old phrase that I’m not sure of the beginning. It goes something like: 1. With a lick and a promise. 2. A lick and a promise. … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Aging Nostalgia
This chart imparts two important points to me: I am older than the average American I had no idea the movie Forrest Gump was so important. The list is marginally less depressing than a game a co-worker of mine used … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: I Have Not Lingered In European Monasteries
by Leonard Cohen I Have Not Lingered In European Monasteries and discovered among the tall grasses tombs of knights who fell as beautifully as their ballads tell; I have not parted the grasses or purposefully left them thatched. I have … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: The Lost PowerPoint Slides: Ruff ‘n Ready in Merry Olde England (Part 15)
Queen Elizabeth I In her day, the first Queen Elizabeth (Queen Elizabeth I), was widely regarded as the scariest female to roam the planet since Lucy the Menopausal T-Rex. Of course, her closest advisers and the members of the English … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Spikey messiah
So does this mean Moses was a stegosaurus? Alltop turns all four cheeks.
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Ask General Kang: I’ve just started high school, and I wonder, how I can improve my self-esteem?
Some researchers will tell you that self-esteem is heavily influenced by things you will have no control over, such as your looks, and how “cool” you are seen to be by your peers. And popularity too. Now, if I’d let … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: What to do with Stonehenge, and other reasons science is good
Don’t forget Stonehenge. They would make some nice landscaping rocks. Alltop is in danger of being crushed by a dwarf.
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Trojan War Vets Could Never Make It In Today’s World
Except for the wily Odysseus. If he could restrain himself from mass-murdering all of the guys hitting on his hot wife, Penelope, he would probably be able to manage a career in HR. Alltop is wine dark with humor.
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Ask General Kang: What is the best approach of making first contact with a race that thinks of your species as food?
This is one of the first sensible questions people have asked me on this column. Most of your questions are about petty human concerns such as getting a mate, and what kind of loofah should you use. Thank you! You’re … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Cartoons have problems too
I found these amusing, if not particularly sensitive. I DO wonder why Wylie Coyote’s OCD is not mentioned. Here are a few other issues I think worth mentioning. (Note, I have no psychological training, so these are purely a layman’s … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Warning: you don’t have Spidey-reflexes
This sign would also be useful if posted liberally on the 401, especially in the Toronto region. Alltop is a member of the slow humor movement.
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Chthonic Monsters — Theseus Meets the Minotaur
This is from a novel-in-progress, in which the characters tell one another many different stories, but I thought I would share here it here the blog. Alas, it it too long to put up in one post, so I’ll put … Continue reading →
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Important data on sexy notes
Not precisely sure what would entail a “sexy note”, but I do believe this is a sound graph of the relevant data. Alltop prefers sending its sexy notes via pigeon.
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: Plato was a riot!
Now I don’t feel badly for having the same reaction to The Apology of Socrates! Alltop likes Sophocles for the phat beats.
Continue readingmark a rayner | scribblings, squibs & sundry monkey joys: The 70s called
I remember talking to my Grandfather on the phone in 1974. He was in Canada, and I was in the UK. There was an echo that made it very difficult to hear his voice; I think he struggled even more … Continue reading →
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