Dear effbook: I know we don’t know each other very well. I mean. You hardly notice me except when you want to force me to shut down my primary account shortly after I’ve given you money for advertising, but whatever. I’m not bitter. Okay, I’m a little bitter, but you
Continue readingAuthor: cenobyte
centre of the universe: A tisket, a tasket…
What the crap is a tisket, anyway? Or, for that matter, a tasket? You know what, it doesn’t really matter. I’m’a just make it up. And I’m’a write about it. And the thing I write is going to be called “The Great Tisket; or, An Adventure in Tasket”. AND IT
Continue readingcentre of the universe: This may be the best thing I have ever written
I found this little gem on my Twitter feed via timehop. Part of me wishes it were fiction. It’s always an adventure when you’re me.
Continue readingcentre of the universe: A letter
I wanted to write to you, to tell you that I’m trying really hard to be positive right now. That I’m trying really hard to think about the things that can go right instead of the things that have gone wrong. I wanted to write and tell you about my
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Bones in my pocket
So I’m sitting on the chesterfield, having my tea and thinking how nice it would be to have a patio I could sit on to have my tea and do some writing of a lovely spring morning, when what to my wondering eyes should appear to port side but a
Continue readingcentre of the universe: A step to the right, hands on your hips, pull your knees in tight
This workout combines the best of yoga flexibility, a little bit of cardio, and core strength workouts. You don’t even need to leave your own bedroom. In fact, you probably don’t want to. And unlike other workouts, with this one, you shower first, and it’s done before you even get
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Eyewear, pocketbook, wristwatch
Before we get too far into this, I want you to go here and listen to The Faint’s Dress Code. Especially you, Meatbum. I’ll wait. I think it’s my new favourite thing ever invented. And, while you’re doing that, I’m just going to say I miss Devo. Okay. You’re back.
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Addendum
Okay, so following the breaking news yesterday that one of the fellows who thought it was a laugh riot to shout “Fuck her in the pussy” at a television camera pointed at a female reporter (a friend mentioned that this has happened to male reporters too; I am now aware
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Waitaminute, do what to whom? In the where?
TL:DR – (sexual) harassment isn’t funny. It’s illegal.
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Unpopular
I’m a little reticent to post this, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about lately. I think I’m ready for all the trolls and hate and malarky. I get that what I’m about to say is an incredibly unpopular opinion, and that probably I don’t understand the details and am
Continue readingcentre of the universe: small town roughs
We had just finished setting up our tent in among the buildings, although the buildings were in the wrong configuration. It was a farm I’d never been to before, in the disguise of one that, were I a bitter, unforgiving soul, I would charge with having taken too many lives.
Continue readingcentre of the universe: I didn’t know it would be that bad.
Then I started thinking, with all the hullaballoo about the Alberta election, someone should make one of those “Hitler reacts” videos. Because, you know, that’s never been done before. Turns out I’m actually a pretty horrible person.
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Congratulations, Alberta!
So I changed my blog template because I’m so very happy for my Alberta peeps, who tonight made history when they elected an NDP majority government. I know there are a lot of folks concerned as all hell about what this election is going to mean for Alberta’s provincial revenues,
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Growing Pains
We talk a lot about milestones, when we have kids. Milestones and rites of passage. By 18 months, your baby should be able to… Baby’s first tooth, baby’s first step, first day of school, first girlfriend, driver’s permit…the list goes on and on and on. But those aren’t the real
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Be Careful What You Don’t Ask For
Not even three full years after enacting moderately sexist “Frat House Legislation“, Premier Brad Wall announced that his government had “reversed our mistake to allow strip clubs in SK.” With a rather smug nod to the reason being related to human trafficking, without any …whattayacallit… proof or supporting documentation whatsoever,
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Three Stories
A Story About Crows for @lizzers_ Once Upon a Time, I lived far north of here in a “ranch-style bungalow” on a hill in a city bound by a river. The city itself still had many Wild Places. Not the kind of wild places where one might go after a
Continue readingcentre of the universe: It was like this when I got here
This is Smog. Before I tell you too much about Smog, I should tell you that I have never been able to successfully pick out a proper cat. I’m okay with the factory rejects, though. THEY NEED LOVE TOO. We rented Smog from the Cat Shop several weeks earlier than
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Two Princes
I leave the doctor’s office, where I have just been shirtless in front of two men I have never met. I’m feeling a little scared, because in meeting with this doctor, I have basically consented to surgery. Elective surgery, but elective surgery that may change my life and make it
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Swine Cat
This is Poe the Cat. He is a dick. His nickname is Mungbrain the Cat. He believes he was in a movie once (he was not) and that he played the captain of the guards (he did not; it was Jason Bateman) and that it was a, and I’m quoting
Continue readingcentre of the universe: Storytelling Month – The Basement
To celebrate Storytelling Month, I’m going to tell you at least one story per week in February. These are all true stories. I don’t think I’ve ever told this story before. Maybe I have and I’ve just reached that stage of perpetual awesomeness where my memory of stories is like that
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