I’m glad May’s over. It’s been a long, long month.
The disappearance of Neskie Manuel weakened my confidence. He’s intelligent, charasmatic, and has a record of achievement a mile long. If he hasn’t confidence, what hope do I have, being of so little accomplishment, in comparison?
I’ve depended on Neskie, too much. He’s been working his ass off these past few years. I felt confident with him in our community in a role of leadership we’d be okay through the worst that could happen. But I expected miracles of him. Too much hope placed on any one man can hurt him, though.
I’ve been sitting, or rather, hiding in my room, all May, hurting. Periods of restlessness, followed by the single thought, “What can I do?” with no answer available. “I gotta do something!”, which is answered, “But what?”
It’s June, now. I gotta do something, now, or else, never at all. I gotta take a risk, which might even be a mere single step against the direction I face.
I’ve gotta get stronger, within. I gotta get the experience I need so I can be of service to my family, my community, and my nation. Otherwise, the world Neskie spoke of will continue to be a mere dream, which would be a greater insult to him rather than failing in bringing to life his dream by actually doing something.
