Forget the book – I’m waiting for the TV movie…

As predicted by us local media types a few weeks ago, musing as we were over a beer on a Friday afternoon at the Huron Club, former Simcoe-Grey Member of Parliament, former Conservative, former Independent… Conservative, Helena Guergis intends to write a tell-all book on her adventures in Ottawa — presumably focused on what’s occurred to her the last 18 months.

Now, I’m assuming it will become an immediate best-seller, because in Canada you only need to sell 5,000 copies to be considered a best-seller — and I would hope each of the 8,620 souls who voted for her on Monday night rush out and buy a copy as soon as it’s published.

But my focus is beyond that; forget the book – now’s the time to start negotiating broadcast rights.

Which immediately brings to mind exactly who will be cast for the various parts. Those of you who follow my Twitter feed will have read that I’m holding out for Philip Seymour Hoffman to play the role of me; I’m thinking Hoffman could rely on his portrayals of Truman Capote, and Lester Bangs from Almost Famous, to deliver an authentic performance as a small-town newspaper editor…

Doug Measures is keen on being portrayed by either Kevin Smith or Jack Black. I’m suggesting Meg Ryan could play the role of sassy and brassy 97.7 news director Mariane McLeod.

Other characters:

• Terry Geddes – Alan Alda

• Charlie Tatham – Sean Connery; Liam Neesom would also be appropriate

• Gord Canning – Kevin Spacey

• Rahim Jaffer – Kal Penn

• Paul Shaw – Paul Giamatti

• Jessica Craven/Morgan – Amy Adams

• Stephen Harper – Gene Hackman